Pastors need accountability, not protection is a statement some Christians take issue with.
I have seen people say, “Be careful,” “Don’t be so eager to cast the first stone,” or “It’s a slippery slope,” when referring to a harmful Christian teaching.
It seems that many Christians believe that church leaders are not to blame: sure not regular human beings who make mistakes and need to grow.
And maybe that’s why when mistakes happen and faith leaders have to take responsibility for their mistakes and instead of everyone expecting growth, some are quick to turn to why those discussing harm should approach it differently and not at all.
Josh Howerton
In recent days, Josh Howerton, an evangelical pastor, and his “golden nugget of advice” (his words) to his congregation have been making headlines online.
The viral “advice” was part of a sermon he gave to his congregation last month at Lakepointe Church in Dallas, Texas. The advice went something like this
“Guys, when it comes to her wedding day, she has been planning this day her entire life. She got her first like wedding magazine when she was 14. She draped the blanket around her like it was her wedding dress when she was a teenager. She did the towel over her head. It was a little veil. All the stuff. She’s been planning this day her whole life. So here’s what you need to do, man. When it comes to that day, just stand where she tells you to stand, wear what she tells you to wear, and do what she tells you to do. You’ll make her the happiest woman in the world. “Now ladies, when you get to his wedding night, he’s been planning this night his whole life. So what you need to do is stand where he tells you to stand, wear what he tells you to wear, and do what he tells you to do. You’re gonna make him the happiest man in the world.” Rick Pidcock, Pastor’s wedding night advice to women opens a conversation on harmful evangelical teaching
When people started talking about how toxic the “advice” was, many pushed back, “Wait, it’s not that bad!” “It was a joke, lighten up!” “Talk about men and women!” “It’s out of context!”
PS Viewing the sermon “in context,” as some have suggested, does not improve the counsel. It makes everything worse and really highlights why pastors need accountability, not protection. (You’ll find a link to the sermon in Sheila’s post, linked below.)
I saw for the first time a video clip when shared online by marriage and sex blogger and podcaster Sheila Gregoire. In her article summarizing the problem with Josh’s preaching, Sheila explains why messages like Josh’s are problematic. Check out what he wrote in a subsequent blog post:
"In the wider context, (Josh) is saying: Men, you don’t have to take on ANY of the mental load, emotional involvement, or work of the wedding. It’s all on her. Everything. All you have to do is show up and do what she says. But then, at the wedding night, you get to act like a porn director and direct her every move so you get exactly what you want....Josh is promoting tropes that directly feed into a terrible condition that so many women in the church battle with (Vaginismus) –and he thinks it’s funny. In addition, about 50% of married evangelical men are currently watching porn, where men get to tell women where to stand and what to do." Check out Sheila's article When Evangelical Misogyny Goes Viral: “Stand Where He Wants You to Stand
Because pastors need accountability, not protection
Unfortunately, messages like Josh Howerton’s are all too common. We see them from organizations like Focus on the Family, church leaders/teachers/authors around the world.
When so many people talk and say, “This hurts,” instead of facing and dealing with the issues in a way that eliminates the harm, many Christian writers and teachers (and their support systems) have perfected the art of self-talk their.
They make sure to tell sufferers and their allies how they can understand them more and how to do a better job of loving them.
And I think a lot of church teachers and organizations have become like a store owner that sells bad water, and people keep telling them, hey, your water is making us sick and you need to change the inventory.
But instead of providing healthy, non-harmful supply, they make the story about the poor shop owner trying so hard to serve the community with a life-giving item. When they could just change the offering to something non-harmful and healthy.
Listen… the church leaders and anyone who decides to write a book or speak on a subject: it was never about us. This whole thing is not about us authors, organizations or businesses.
It will never be about us because it is always about those we said we wanted to serve. i.e. those who spend money on our products and services.
Until we get ourselves out of our minds, we are useless. scratch that; we are dangerous. And we will continue to serve rotten water and sing vulgar songs about how we are misunderstood AND THIS BLESSED APPEAL WILL NOT DIE.
Let’s not wait for the momentum to stop unless we take responsibility and revise the destructive teachings. It is the path we have chosen. The days of causing harm and getting away with it are over.
It is this issue of deliverance that Jesus spoke of (Luke 4:18). It is strong and will only get stronger. If you don’t care about people, you can be sure that others do and you will no longer be peddling your products without question
If we stay up late, others it should be what keeps us awake: a deep concern for others and a deep exploration of how we can do better. We are not the victims here.
Pastors need accountability, not protection: What Christians Must Accept
Here is what I think Christians often miss but must accept.
- If a pastor says something that doesn’t add up, “it” doesn’t add up. Period. Even if some pastor said it. Fact: It’s worse if a pastor says it because of the level of influence he has. See When Pastors Are Exploited in the Name of Christ
- If a message hurts, it hurts. It doesn’t matter who said it, “it” needs to be addressed. Addressing a bad message involves correcting the teaching in question.
- Public correction allows those who have been hurt to know that they are not alone. Public discussion also lets everyone know that there is responsibility and higher values.
- Disagreeing with a pastor doesn’t mean we hate God (and PS, God doesn’t seem to have a problem with questions. They’re the ones who benefit from mindless watching.)
We are all human with the ability to grow and mature, and when we think we are above it because we have more people on our side telling us we are okay, we are the furthest thing from Christ who prioritized the few.
Pastors need accountability, not protection: How Western Christianity is harming other cultures like Josh’s
I was born and raised in Kenya. Western Christianity shapes our Christianity to a great extent.
In many places in Africa, the local pastors are looking for the American pastors. Many are guided and influenced by American church leaders. There are many church organizations on our continent, many of them under the direct sponsorship of the USA and Canada.
I spent fourteen years (over ten of them as a leader) in an evangelical fundamentalist church in Nairobi, the capital of Kenya.
The church is still led by the white American missionary couple who founded it decades ago. But the church is “Kenyan” in name only. Otherwise, it is just like every other white evangelical fundamentalist church in the United States…only with Kenyan bodies.
As I shared in the article Bright Happy People – An African American Perspectivevery few in deconstructionist/survivalist spaces in North America will examine how evangelicalism and fundamentalism have harmed other cultures.
In general, few Americans consider the effects of church teachers beyond their borders. Many Americans and Canadians are simply happy to fund missionaries and projects with little knowledge of the implications of what is happening on the ground.
And so when I talk about the harmful teachings of American pastors and their impact outside of America, it is because I know firsthand how dangerous they can be when exported to other communities and mixed with local culture and realities.
Western high-demand, high-control conservatism lands differently in already conservative cultures, which sometimes lack the resources to deal with issues such as femicidedomestic violence, rape, abuse.
The tide is rising all over the world. And we in America must get our convictions right: And we must hear and mourn the hurt done outside our borders. We must listen. And we must put an end to reckless funding of missionaries.1
Are you tired of religious refrains being used to justify your hurtful reality?
Sometimes, the problem in marriage is that one person is encouraged to spiritualize issues while the other is allowed to maintain their irresponsible, non-Christian lens. Christian values should never cause or perpetuate harm in relationships. You deserve better. Courage Reflections and Liberation for the Hurting Soul it’s for women who are tired of harmful theology and bad marriage advice. Order courage book Amazon I PDF
FOOTNOTES:
1. I hope to write a post about it. Also.many.churchgoers don’t seem to understand that they are funding spiritual (and other) evildoers when they give their money to missionary work. Their ignorance is not helped by the fact that Christians who support missionaries do not take it kindly or seriously when we, “the mission field,” speak in a way that does not praise their work. When I say “stop sending money to missionaries”, I mean do the work of knowing who and what you are funding. Don’t just give up on the wallet because there was transparency, whining and manipulation. I do the work. Or don’t “give”. To anyone who purses their lips at this point: we cannot ignore bad husbands, pastors, and missionaries because we love the good ones. Life doesn’t work like that. If you stub your toe on the corner of a table, you don’t wiggle a single toe and you’re reminded that the rest of your toes are perfect and that it’s a lot worse than nothing. No, you find the ice or a doctor. When a part of the body hurts, it is the most Christian thing to stop, explore, and attend to compassionate care.
