The Ripple Effect in Marriage

Several weeks ago, our pastor talked about the ripple effect our obedience to God has on those around us. Our walk with the Lord has a great effect on those God brings into our lives. God designed it this way. We were not created to be islands by ourselves. God wants our lives to point to Him and all He can do for us, as we live for Him.

After hearing what our pastor had to say (and agreeing wholeheartedly), we talked about the ripple effect our married life has on those around us. Time and time again, we hear from those who say that their approach to life is consistent with what they saw in their parents’ marriages. Sometimes it’s a smaller ripple effect, sometimes it’s a bigger one, and sometimes it’s like a tsunami – crashing into the lives of those around them. The impact is completely devastating!

But there is no doubt that one way or another, the influence of marriages is causing some sort of ripple effect. And that is what we hope to convey to everyone who reads this Insight. We learned this at our wedding, as we were told by people we didn’t know and certainly didn’t know we were being watched at our wedding (we wrote this in our book) and we hope you learn about it in yours. However, whether you realize it or not, your spiritual walk and your marital walk matter.

Just try walking through a body of water and not causing a ripple! You can’t do that, can you? The same goes for your marital journey. You influence others in one way or another—good or bad. And this is a fact!

Ripple Effect in Marriage

We wholeheartedly agree with Joe Beam on this point:

“I cannot stress enough the importance of focusing on your marriage relationship as well as being a good parent. By working to improve your marriage, you’re not only helping yourself, you’re also helping your children. If you have a son, he needs to see his father treat his mother with compassion, respect and love. If you have a daughter, she needs to see her mother treat her father with the same compassion, respect and love. Not only will it help them in the future, but it provides them with a pleasant home and a healthy attitude toward God’s institution of marriage. So, practice the “trickle-down effect” [or the ripple effect] with your family. Good things in your marriage will usually fall apart [or ripple over] to your children and, hopefully, to their children and generations to come.” (From the article, “Your Marriage Affects Your Parenting: The Trickle-Down Effect”)

Now, we need to make an important point here. There is no doubt that you cannot control what your spouse does or does not do. But you can control what you do. Be the adult here. Approach your interactions with your spouse with spiritual maturity. Even a spouse doing the right thing can make a difference.

All of this supports what the Bible tells us:

“Live lives worthy of God, who calls you into His kingdom and glory.” (1 Thessalonians 2:12)

About your Ripple effect

Remember:

“Biblical marriage points people to God. He arranged the wedding and was there when Adam and Eve were first united. He is an image and witness to this world of Christ and His Church (Ephesians 5:31-32). It is good and holy. And Satan hates everything about it.” Here is the warning: “He wants to destroy your marriage (along with your life, testimony, and family). This is not to scare you, but to remind you to be careful. Your adversary the devil is like a roaring lion, prowling about seeking someone to devour (1 Peter 5:8). He often uses the troubles of this world to separate a man and a woman. He is cunning and knows how to break up couples. And he would love nothing more than for you to give up on each other, throw in the towel and tell the world that marriage is too hard.” (Kimberly Williams from the article, “When Life is Hard”)

Testimonies showing the Ripple effect

We want to give you two short testimonials that illustrate the points we are making here. They show how our marriages can cause a positive ripple effect in influencing children (and others). First, Taya Kyle wrote:

“I grew up with the toughest, most passionate parents. They always said to each other, “We’re not breaking up.” One of the main reasons they said this was because they didn’t want to do this to each other—or to me and my sister. They could see the ripple effect their marriage was having from the start. The decisions they made weren’t just ones made in a vacuum – those decisions affected many of the people around them. Not only did they decide that their marriage would last, but they would make sure they were happy along the way. They could see that it wasn’t just about staying married, it was about being happily married. And being happily married means that at some point you’re going to have to fight when the going gets tough.” (From the article, “The Ripple Effect in Your Marriage”)

And then Sabrina Joyce Beasley wrote this tribute to her father’s influence on her own marriage:

“Your spiritual life is not only philosophical, but can also be seen in everyday life. One lesson has become more important in marriage. Many times, after a fight with David, I’ve thought about the times when I saw you come to Mom and say, “I’m so sorry. Will you forgive me?’ There was a genuine humility in those words. It has proven to be a powerful tool not only for spiritual growth but also for healing the wounds of our marriage and strengthening our relationship. It’s one of the staples I put in my marriage advice articles and speaking to others.” (From the article “Tax to Robert and Willena Joyce“)

It is important to note:

“Your children are watching you. What you do leaves a more lasting impression than what you say. Those who stick together and work through these difficult interpersonal problems teach their children [and others] invaluable life lessons and modeling how they should persevere in their marriages one day.” (Phil and Susie Downer)

This brings us to a few important points:

“Ask yourself, ‘Does my marriage qualify as a model?’ What can you begin to do to make it stand out in a way that would make others around you see your wedding and want to emulate it? Are you praying and thinking about ways you can do these things? The sooner we realize that we are called to be examples in our marriages, the sooner we will start working harder to follow God’s script and see our marriages grow in new ways.” (H. Norman Wright)

I realize:

“Without ever handing out a pamphlet, preaching a sermon, or even speaking a word, a Spirit-filled Christian home declares to all who come near that God will do for others what He has done for them, if only give Him a chance.” (Jerry Jenkins)

“Become imitators of God… and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave Himself for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” (Ephesians 5:1)

We just can’t escape the ripple effect our marriage can cause. It can be for good, it can be for bad. It is important not to lose sight of this point.

Closing

Here are some things to consider very seriously and prayerfully:

“You are the ripple effect that God wanted to use all along to orchestrate His master plan against Satan. Showing up in your relationship, deciding that your marriage is worth it, and having the faith to fight for your marriage is God shattering the attacks of the enemy. It’s all part of His plan. Being a ripple effect means that your choices affect more than your immediate environment. You may not see it now, but your decision to show up and invest in your marriage is one that will speak to the people in your life and change the world around you. The ripple effects always multiply.” (Taya Kyle, from her article, “The Ripple Effect in Your Marriage”)

As you look at your life together and the days God may give you that could make a positive impact on other marriages:

“Make the love of your spouse your top priority, second only to your relationship with Christ. Questions to Discuss for You and Your Spouse: Does the example of a loving, committed marriage have an impact on others? What will people say was the legacy of our marriage? What steps can each of us take to redeem the days we have left together? (Bob & Cheryl Moeller)

Let this be the prayer of all our hearts:

“Teach us to count our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” (Psalm 90:12)

Cindy & Steve Wright

– ADDITIONALLY –

To help you further, we give many personal stories, humor and more practical advice in our book, 7 ESSENTIALS to grow your marriage. We hope you’ll pick up a copy for yourself. (It’s available both online and in print.) Plus, it makes a great gift for someone else. It gives you an opportunity to help them grow their marriage. And who doesn’t need that? Just click on the linked title or image below:

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