Notes from the podcast:
Everyone has an ideal partner checklist that might include traits like “6 legs, 6 figure, 6 abs.”
However, asking the question, “What do you want in a partner?” reveals a fundamental challenge in dating that many fail to answer properly, if at all. It’s common to confidently declare, “I KNOW what I want,” but do we really do it?
The research reveals a striking contradiction: individuals often fail to pursue or show interest in potential partners who satisfy their stated preferences. This discrepancy suggests that many people do not really understand their desires in relationships.
The core of the misunderstanding
This misunderstanding can stem from several issues. Some may not know what they want, but it is more likely that the goal is “fuzzy” — somewhat known but vague. This lack of clarity can be attributed to insufficient experience, introspection, reflection and planning.
Others may know what they want, but need help with the application. For example, one may seek an intellectually stimulating partner and date only those with advanced degrees, mistakenly equating education level with intelligence, thus relying on inaccurate indicators.
A strategy for clarity
To address these challenges, let’s try a two-step strategy.
Editor’s Note: Are you ready to attract love with a proven strategy? Watch this free video to learn the 7 powerful steps
1. Have a plan: Drawing inspiration from Benjamin Franklin’s wisdom, “Failing to plan, you are setting yourself up to fail,” it’s time to develop a Vision of Love. Envision your ideal relationship without overcomplicating it. This vision should be simple, focused and prioritized, similar to the metaphor of placing large rocks, pebbles and sand in a jar. Importantly, create this plan objectively and without a specific person in mind to prevent emotions from clouding your judgment. Treat this document as a living document, regularly updating it based on new knowledge and experiences, thus ensuring that it reflects your real priorities and not just fleeting infatuations.
2. Experience is the best teacher: Actively date multiple people to broaden your understanding of what you really need and want in a relationship. This approach is about moving quickly to meet a variety of people, using your Love Vision as a filter to narrow down the prospects. Adjust Love Vision as you gather new data from these experiences. While some may have reservations about dating with multiple people, viewing it as an information-gathering phase, similar to job interviews or car test drives, can reframe those concerns. Remember, the goal is to diversify your experiences to improve understanding of your desires.
conclusion
We often understand our preferences and let them guide our decisions in life. However, when it comes to relationships, this approach can lead us astray, as what we think we want may not align with what truly satisfies us. By developing a clear Vision of Love and embracing different dating experiences, we can come closer to understanding and finding what we are really looking for in a partner. This journey of discovery is not just about finding someone who meets a list of criteria, but about understanding ourselves and what we really need to find happiness and fulfillment in love.
