Whether it’s due to a tragic event or years of emotional hurt and unforgiveness, many of us have family members who are estranged from each other. That sibling who hasn’t spoken to you in years. That parent you didn’t want to address. This uncle you should avoid for your own health.
This can be a struggle, emotionally and spiritually. It hurts when family members stop talking to each other. We all want the happy family dreams we see on our screens. We all want unity and family memories, family holidays, etc. But so often, reality does not live up to the imagination.
This is even more complicated when your family members begin to feel hostile when it comes to slandering or cutting you off. This brings so much pain and suffering.
While boundaries with these toxic family members are healthy and good, one way we can continue to love our estranged family members while remaining separated from them is through prayer.
But let’s be honest – when emotions about family drama run high or anger flares when everything feels deeply unfair and hurtful – you may not know how to pray. This is when we can turn to the scriptures to find wisdom.
Psalm 41, in fact, a song of King David, was written about a time when David’s enemies were rising up against him. He cries out to God for comfort in his distress and speaks honestly and openly about the pain of being attacked by a close-knit community. While he wasn’t necessarily writing about estranged family members, it’s a very relatable passage of scripture.
Here are six ways to pray for your estranged family members Psalm 41.
- God bless my family member and their loved ones. Hand them over when they’re in trouble. God, protect and preserve them. count them among the blessed.
“Blessed are those who have respect for the weak. the Lord delivers them in their times of trouble. The Lord protects and preserves them—they are numbered among the blessed on earth…”- Psalm 41: 1, 2
2. Lord, support them when they are sick, restore them when they are sick.
“The Lord sustains them on their beds of sickness and restores them from their bed of sickness. – Psalm 41: 3
3. Jesus, have mercy on us both and stop any false accusation or slander that destroys our relationship.
I said: “Have mercy on me, Lord. heal me, for I have sinned against you. My enemies say of me maliciously, “When will he die and his name perish?” When one of them comes to see me, he lies while his heart gathers slander.
then he comes out and spreads it around. – Psalm 41: 4-6
4. God, I am deeply saddened and angry that they have turned against me. Heal my heart and theirs. Bring our relationship to full restoration if that is your will.
“Even my close friend, someone I trusted, the one who distributed my bread, has turned[ against me. But may you have mercy on me, Lord; raise me up, that I may repay them. – Psalm 41: 9,10
5. In the meantime, the Spirit of God transforms them (and me) into people of integrity. Uphold and set us all in your presence forever, even though we are not currently in each other’s presence.
“Because of my integrity you uphold me and set me in your presence forever.”- Psalm 41: 12
6. I praise you, oh God, your love is everlasting, even when human love fails.
“Praise be to the Lord, the God of Israel, from everlasting to everlasting. Amen and Amen.” – Psalm 41: 13
What you’ll be surprised to discover, as you pray this Psalm over your estranged family member(s), is this – though the relationship might not change or be reconciled, your heart will soften and be transformed.
God will meet you in the frustration of it all and invite you into a newer, deeper family relationship with him.
Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/Pheelings Media
This article originally appeared on Christianity.com. For more faith-building resources, visit
Christianity.com.
