Quality love language is very important for relationships. Whether it’s your absolute need or not, your relationship won’t survive without it. When you were dating, you probably spent a lot of quality time with your partner. Think of all the appointments together, all the phone calls, all the texts. All these quality time together it was how you fell in love. However, the longer couples are together, the rarer their quality time becomes. Life is busy. you have kids, you have a mortgage, you have careers, you have 401k, you have jobs. All of these things eat into and limit quality time with your partner, and when that happens, all other forms of intimacy fall apart.
What is the quality love language of the time?
Quality time love language offers undivided attention to your partner without distractions. This includes turning off all technology so your partner has your undivided attention. Quality time can include an activity or conversation to cultivate closeness.
4 steps to more quality Love Language time
Step one: Stop micromanaging your partner and share your tender belly.
The first step is to stop micromanaging your partner. If you’re the partner who feels like you’re not spending enough quality time with your spouse, it’s easy to start micromanaging everything that takes up time. You might start arguing with them and picking on how they spend their time. Doing this, however, creates a lot of tension and makes them feel like you are controlling them. Underneath micromanaging is wanting your partner to prioritize you, to connect with you. Often, we don’t express how lonely we are or how we want to be more connected. Instead, we micromanage and criticize, but underneath the criticism is feeling lonely and sad. Criticism and micromanaging will make your partner want to spend even less time with you. So instead of criticizing how your partner spends their time, express to your tender belly how you feel lonely and sad about the lack of quality time together.
Step Two: Determine the ideal time frame.
Both you and your partner should think about the ideal amount of time you would like to spend together during the work week and on weekends. Take a moment to think about this. How much quality time with your partner would you like to have during the work week? What about the weekend? Quality time can include time with your children, but you only need quality time with your partner. For the purposes of this exercise, think only about quality time with your partner. How much quality time would you need to feel close, feel connected and feel like a team? It’s hard to feel like a team with someone you don’t spend any time with. Instead, you will feel like two ships passing in the night or like business partners. You’re definitely not going to feel like lovers, as regular sexual intimacy only happens when couples feel close through regular quality time together. If you’re complaining about not having enough emotional or sexual intimacy, think about how much quality time you spent with your partner last week. Probably not much. Now, take out your phone and see how much time you spent surfing the Internet last week. Often, we have time, but we choose to spend it elsewhere and that hurts our relationship because relationships are alive. Because your relationship is alive, it needs oxygen, and oxygen is quality time.
Step Three: Agree on time and activities
Now that both you and your partner have decided what your ideal quality time is, you need to compromise. Your ideal quality time is probably different than your partner’s. This is because you are different people and have different needs for quality time. Okay. The main thing is to share power to reach a compromise. For example, let’s say Partner A’s ideal is one hour and 30 minutes of quality time each night, and Partner B’s ideal quality time each night is 30 minutes. A compromise would be one hour because it will be a little less than what Partner A wants and a little more than what Partner B wants. You know it’s a compromise when both partners don’t get exactly what they want. You need to make a compromise so you both have an equal voice. The partner who wants more time cannot dictate how much quality time you spend together. Similarly, the partner who wants less time cannot dictate how much quality time you spend together. It has to be a compromise, somewhere in the middle.
You also need to come to terms with what you do during your quality time together. Partner A may want to spend the entire time talking. Partner B may want to spend all the time doing one activity. Compromise by doing a bit of both.
Step Four: Consider the fish analogy.
The fishing pole analogy says that we all have a certain amount of time in our week that is represented by the fishing pole. What most couples do is start the week by laying out large boulders that seem necessary. Work, kids, hobbies, friends, social media, chores, Netflix, etc. Before long, the glass is full and there is no time for your marriage. This is why many marriages fall apart because the marriage ends and there is no room. Instead, throw away the glass and think about what it would be like to put your marriage first with quality time? Then, once your wedding is set, add everything else around it. Now there won’t be enough space for everything else, so some will have to be reduced. This is how you can make your marriage number one in your life. This is a marriage-centered lifestyle.
These are the four steps to developing better time with your partner. The more quality and quality love language you have together, the more emotional and sexual intimacy you will have. The four steps include: 1-Stop micromanaging your partner’s activities and express your tender belly, 2-Decide on the ideal quality time you want to spend with your partner, 3-Share authority over the amount of quality time reaching a compromise and 4-Practice the fishing analogy by putting your marriage first.
Check out the articles below to learn more!
How to fall in love again?
How long does it take to fall in love again?
How to reverse a loveless marriage?
Why do couples fall in love?
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What else would you recommend for more quality love language in your relationship?
