You ask Why in stormy times in your life? Why is this happening to me… why now… why ever? What did I do to deserve this? There’s no doubt that it’s tempting to visit these types of storms of doubt when other storms are hitting and hitting and hitting us.
In our marriage (over 50 years) we have had many stormy moments. Some of it was disastrous. In fact, we’ve been through a series of tough, tough storms recently. Oh, they weren’t about our relationship—luckily, we’re fine with each other right now. This hasn’t always been the case in our life together, but at this particular point in our marriage, we’re doing very well — very well. Thank you my God!
But that may or may not be the case for you. You may have a very troubled marriage. And you’re confused and angry—trying to make sense of it all.
If this is happening in your life, or if it’s something else that is troubling you as you journey through life with your spouse, we encourage you to keep reading. We think there will be something here for you. It is something that God wants to use in this Insight to serve you in a unique way.
During a Stormy Season
In our marriage right now, it’s other “things” in life that lead us to disappointment. It’s the difficult things that life throws at us like health issues, family relationship problems, ministry issues, financial concerns, sick and dying family members that pull us in all directions, and more.
At this time, these can be classified as “Lesser Stress Storms”. That’s what Anne Graham Lotz calls them. In her book, Why; Trust God when you don’t understand, talks about “smaller stress storms.” However, he says, “they can be overwhelming when they come together, turning into a big, collective storm of pain.” And it is true. We’ve all been there.
A Stormy Hour that is Heartbreaking
However, not long ago we were hit by a storm. He sent us upset and broken! This “storm” alone would be extremely difficult to deal with—on its own. But when other concerns piled up, it was especially difficult to handle.
Thankfully, God helped us navigate this stormy season as we continually went to Him as “Great Counselor.” Diving into scripture, discussing it all with Him and each other, reading other support material, depending on prayers and the counsel of close friends to hold us up helped us get through it.
During that storm, there wasn’t much smiling going on in our house. Many tears were shed and not many smiles. Sometimes we wondered if we would ever smile again. Have you been there?
But we held on to hope and faith in Jesus that we could make it to a less turbulent time again. Soon, Lord Jesuswe kept saying please fix it soon. At the time, though, it seemed like it would never end.
Live, learn and pass it on
They say that it is not only what we LIVE, but what we LEARN and pass on to others that is most important. And we learned through a lot!
Diving into God’s Word and constant prayer was the most important thing! But in the book, “Why?” Anne Graham Lotz makes some good points that have helped us as well. He writes about the storms he experienced. She writes that her first reaction was to run away from the blow. (Sound familiar? Don’t we usually want to escape, rather than deal with, what is hurting us?)
Anne brings up a strange but insightful point in how we deal with pain. She writes:
“I understand that a turkey and an eagle react differently to the threat of a storm. A turkey reacts by running under the barn, hoping the storm won’t approach. On the other hand, an eagle leaves the safety of its nest. It spreads its wings to ride the air currents of the approaching storm, knowing they will carry it higher into the sky than it could fly on its own. Based on your reaction to life’s storms, who are you? A turkey or an eagle?’
Reactions associated with thunderstorms
Unfortunately, we often behave like turkeys. We confess that this is true for us. Our first reaction when a difficult storm hits is to try to run and/or hide. But the Lord does not let us hide. He startles us (or flies) out of hiding and finally says:Let’s talk together.“
Other times He allows us to stay in a place where we must trust Him in His silence. We learn that everything is part of our Faith this side of Heaven. Sometimes we can’t even have a conversation with Him. That’s when we must recognize that His wisdom is more than we can understand, and lean our faith in Him and trust, trust, trust!
It is important to note, however, that there is a difference between withdrawing to gain your bearings (so you can go out and approach matters more wisely) and withdrawing to hide. The former may be wise (as long as you don’t wait too long). But the second is more “Turkish”, if we can use that term.
Unfortunately, most of us don’t want to do what it takes to be an eagle. It takes bravery to step outside of our comfort zones when all we want to do is retire.
Choices in a stormy season
During testing, there are two options for how we handle issues. We can go our own way and TURN AWAY from God’s presence and His guidance. Or we can LOOK TO HIM as our Lord to be with us through the whole trial – trusting Him to redeem all the mess somehow in the end.
Step by step—it’s trusting GOD’s heart to find a way to bring good out of it all. We trust… even though we can’t see it as we travel this journey.
Anne Graham Lotz spoke in her book about a particularly important day as she believed in God. Suddenly he imagined “a smile of infinite tenderness on His face as the angels in heaven applauded. “Anna, you finally get it. Now you begin to understand one of the reasons why God allowed these bad things to happen.”
Anna continues to write:
“Looking back on that eighteen month period, my thoughtful, sure conclusion is that God allowed the storms of pain to increase and intensify in my life. This is because He wanted me to fly higher in my relationship with Him. He wanted me to fall deeper in love with Him and grow stronger in faith in Him. God wanted me to be more consistent in my walk with Him. He wanted me to bear more fruit in my service to Him. And He wanted me to draw closer to His heart—to keep my focus on His face and live only for His glory!”
If we keep our focus on Him, we can learn through what we live. We can gain comfort from God,”who comforts us in all our troubles, that we may comfort those who are in every trouble with the comfort which we ourselves receive from God.” (2 Corinthians 1:4)
This is a wonderful place to be, but it often takes a very difficult journey to get there.
Are you experiencing God’s “smile” and seeing some of God’s plan in the storm you are experiencing? Or do you still find yourself sliding further down a pit of confusion and/or despair?
Plunging into the Stormy Hour
If you are, here is one more thing to prayerfully consider. In her blog titled, I am help Sinking, Sue Tipler writes that she feels like giving up and giving up sometimes. The old saying applies, “if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em.”
Her situation (and ours) may be different, but we can find commonalities as we experience this sinking feeling.
In one such case, a friend asked Sue (who was experiencing this sinking feeling at the time) what it’s like to live day to day in an uneven marriage. Sue replied:
“It’s like being in quicksand. You don’t even realize you’re in it until it’s too late. And the more you struggle to get out, the deeper you sink.
“”I dive into the depths of the mix, where there is no base. I have come to deep water. I am overwhelmed by the floods.‘ (Psalm 69:2)
“I need a big stick to pull me out and for me it’s Bible study and my Christian friends. But when my husband comes home it’s like the stick is covered in oil and I can’t help myself.
“Renee encouraged me beyond her response to my e-mail. …He asked me to do some research on the quicksand to see if there was anything spiritual there. So I did. I learned some things and God spoke to me.
They are:
“First, real quicksand is rarely deep enough to get lost in. Second, it is true that if you struggle and crash, you will sink deeper. Third, how do you get out of the mud? Relax, move slowly, look up and let the quicksand carry you into a suspended position.
“So what was God trying to tell me in this seemingly benign information? First, God will not let you sink so far that you cannot get out. He will save you. ‘Save me from the mud, don’t let me sink.‘ (Psalm 69:14)
“Secondly, if you struggle and pull around, you will sink deeper. (Remember Peter when he tried to walk on water by himself?)
“Third: How to escape? Relax, look up and let God put you in a position to float on top of the situation instead of sinking into it.
“I didn’t need a stick. I only need Him. Even if you don’t see anything happening in your spouse’s life, you can relax:
“”Although the fig tree does not sprout and there are no grapes on the vines, if the olive crop fails and the fields do not produce food, although there are no sheep in the fold and cattle in the stalls, I will rejoice in the Lord, I will rejoice in God my Savior.‘ (Habakkuk 3:17-18)
“I am looking…
“”… fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith. For the joy that was before him, he endured the cross, despising its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.“ (Hebrews 12:2)
Thank you, Lord, for the ways you minister through your word and through others who minister to us!
How we pray that all these may minister to you, as to us! A prayer from our hearts for you (and for us) is something John Piper wrote:
“May God give special grace to you who are groaning under some burden. Look eagerly for the new tenderness of love that God is imparting to you even now.”
Above all:
“May grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and Jesus our Lord.” (2 Peter 1:2)
Cindy and Steve Wright
– ADDITIONALLY –
To help you further, we give many personal stories, humor and more practical advice in our book, 7 ESSENTIALS to grow your marriage. We hope you’ll pick up a copy for yourself. (It’s available both online and in print.) Plus, it makes a great gift for someone else. It gives you an opportunity to help them grow their marriage. And who doesn’t need that? Just click on the linked title or image below:
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