This is written by Susie…
One weekend a few years ago, Otto and I were irritated and cranky with each other, which is quite unusual for us.
We were definitely not at our best!
We can blame it on all kinds of external circumstances, but when I really look closely, here’s what I see…
We both allowed the “baggage” we unknowingly carried in the form of old beliefs and perceptions to get in the way of love.
Looking back at some of our interactions over the weekend, here is what I now see in myself…
–I can see the belief I had that Otto SHOULD have done something different than what he did was underneath the comments I made that triggered his defensiveness.
The thing is, I didn’t even know the “shoulds” behind my comments.
They just popped out of my mouth.
The baggage of the past “must” surely sneak up on you, shouldn’t it?
They did to me!
– Later, as the two of us were talking about one of these interactions and really listening to each other…
I could see that I had completely attributed my own meaning to the reason why Otto acted the way he did…
And that was not what guided his action at all!
I had made up a story to explain his actions which seemed very strange to me at the time…
And my story wasn’t true to him.
What a revelation for me to (again) see this!
Are we back to the closeness and connection we normally experience?
Yes, because it’s only a thought away…
And there is a way back.
Here’s what Otto says about that road back for him…
“When I’m at my best, I’m willing to face it (my baggage) and see that it’s not serving me.
“When I’m not at my best, I usually find something else to put in the bag to make it heavier and bigger.”
How do you let go of the heavy baggage you carry around that gets in the way of love?
1. Be willing to step back and see the beliefs and perceptions beneath your words and actions that are contributing to the conflict in your life
As Otto says, be willing to face what you carry around that doesn’t serve you.
When I do this, I see a lot of “shoulds” that I didn’t know kept being buried there that lead me in not-so-healthy ways.
2. Be informed when you unconsciously add to your luggage
This is when you form an opinion about someone or something and it becomes fixed in your mind.
We think this keeps us safe and avoids pain, but all it really does is weigh us down and keep us in a state of anxiety and fear.
It does not protect us from anything, but rather prevents us from enjoying the present moment and loving to the best of our ability.
When I think I know what’s best for Otto, it’s always a sign for me to look inside and discover what I’m carrying around.
But it’s your choice…
Do you want to carry and add to a heavy load of beliefs and perceptions that keep others away?
3. When you see that your baggage is thought, you can let it go
Of course, there are very real things people can do that can hurt you…
And you must act in your best interest with self-love.
I have found that much of what I have carried, sometimes for years, has no substance.
A good example of this is thinking that my father thought I was stupid sometimes and carrying that thought with me for many years that I was stupid.
It colored my actions and kept me small.
A few years ago, I realized that I could allow this thought to float and not give it meaning or energy.
When I do this, it has no power over me and I don’t carry it.
It’s all in what we decide to do moment by moment.
