Recently, on Facebook, I shared my experience with the female-only submission and why my husband and I changed our minds.
I used to believe in submission only for women and I thought it was a universal Christian practice for women to submit to their husbands.
In our marriage, however, my husband and I practiced partnership.
While discussing/supporting other couples, we were surprised to find husbands who took the concept of “wife submission” seriously. “Dude, it’s not right. You work together as a couple,” we would offer back.
But technically, Phil and I believed the same thing: He was just more honest – he practiced what he said.
On the other hand, my husband and I said one thing but practiced another.
What changed our minds:
- Wanting to match our words with reality.
- Learning about abuse.
- Exploring our biggest beliefs (fundamentalism/evangelicalism.)
Because women stop believing in submission only for the woman
After sharing my experience, I invited mine Facebook community to share why they stopped believing in female-only submission (for those who had it.)
The comments were so beautiful and heartbreaking. And I thought I’d condense the comments into a short list and share it on the blog today because change can be hard and lonely. And sometimes it helps to see your private journey reflected in another person’s face.
One of the things that stood out to me in all the comments was the purposefulness of it all. Contrary to popular belief, most people don’t just wake up in the morning and decide to change important beliefs.
It’s never that fast. It is never without work. Excavation, inspection and review a belief system, (not only a belief) costs something.
Many people who have changed their minds about woman-only submission have studied the Bible.
They read books. They listened to (sound) teachings. They were exploring their lives and larger belief systems. They sat with themselves and listened to what their bodies and experiences were telling them.
So often, in the conservative evangelical world, a change of heart comes with a little mud on your clothes: Some Christians really believe that people did a reversal of a deeply held belief system overnight. They don’t see a edit, process.
And so they demonize and ostracize. They characterize cultivating awareness and activating curiosity about what one believes to be “backsliding,” “rebellion,” and “leaving the true teachings of Jesus.”
Do they think it’s a crime to question a belief system you’ve been handed—do you mindlessly follow and never question? More faithful.
I just want to applaud everyone who is doing the work to examine what they believe. It’s not easy. Not being part of the crowd, rocking the boat, having to do new hard things, being messy..it’s not easy. But you do the work and I just want you to know that I’m proud of you.
15 Reasons Why Women Stop Believing in Female-Only Submission
(With my thanks Facebook community.)
1. Personal experience of abuse in a marriage where the teaching of “wife only submission” was used to cause harm.
2. Studying God’s word and realizing that marital submission is mutual, not one-sided.
3. Reading helpful books and websites that expanded thinking beyond what a person thought was true.
4. Seeing other couples be partners in their marriage.
5. Seeing how Jesus valued and uplifted women in the Bible and realizing the message that applies today. He could not have blessed women with fullness and worth and then asked them to give it all up once he married.
6. The cognitive dissonance of women being told to ignore the voice of the Holy Spirit to “follow their spiritual leader.”
7. Observation of the harmful fruit of the subjection of the wife alone in marriages.
8. The skewed female-only ways of submission where a wife works behind the scenes but the man gets all the credit.
9. Being in a healthy marriage after an abusive marriage further clarified why mutuality in marriage is a healthy, honorable thing.
10. Being in a healthy marriage but losing your sense of self because pleasing the spouse had become central.
11. Realizing that all healthy Complementarity marriages are equal in practice.
12. Learning that the word “submit” in Ephesians 5:22 is actually derived from verse 21. (“In Greek, Ephesians 5:22 … borrows the meaning of “submit” from verse 21. There is no verb or a participle meaning “submit” in verse 22 in some of the earliest extant Greek manuscripts.It was not unusual for Paul to make verbs and verbal ideas do double duty. Marg Mowczko )
13. You have to choose between staying safe and staying “submissive” to an abusive partner.
14. A parent filing for divorce from an abusive partner.
15. We begin to believe that there must be a happier, healthier quality of life, and God wanted us to have it.
Your turn: Which word resonated with you the most? What would you add?
