How to keep your love steady when you’re in a long distance relationship

Are you starting to worry that your long distance relationship might not work out?
I imagine you probably feel a bit like a ping pong ball, bouncing back and forth between the excitement of seeing your partner again and the loneliness of being apart. Do not worry. you are not alone in these feelings.

Making a long distance relationship work takes a lot of effort, patience, and trust, and it’s okay to feel overwhelmed sometimes.

But here’s the thing: it’s also incredibly rewarding. The fact that you’re willing to work to keep your relationship strong and healthy is a testament to how much you love your partner. And that is something to be proud of.

So, are you ready to take your long distance game to the next level?

Let’s do this with a 3-step process:

Step 1: Set expectations
As a relationship therapist who has been helping couples since Ronald Reagan was president, I strongly recommend that you follow these two basic rules to set yourself up for success:

Plan your communication
Set times for your conversations so that one of you isn’t looking at your phone while the other is clueless. Communication is vital in all relationships, especially when you live apart.

Create device grounding rules

What belongs in a text, a phone call, facetime, or a face-to-face meeting?

You can prevent unnecessary frustration and hurt by agreeing ahead of time about what kind of conversations happen on which device. A good rule of thumb is that text messages are for light, happy things, and that constructive comments or unpleasant feelings are best communicated face-to-face.

Step 2: Choose Relationship Strengthening Activities

Once you have these ground rules in place, I encourage you to find creative ways to stay connected while you’re apart. Here are some ideas:

1. Take an online relationship personality assessment together
Fun quizzes are a great way to see the dynamics of your relationship in a light, non-threatening way. They can provide insight into compatibility issues such as conflict styles, love languages, and intimacy preferences. Here is a link to a list of relationship quizzes you might want to take together.

2. Plan Unique Virtual Dates
Try cooking the same recipe for dinner at the same time and then enjoy the meal during the facial. Watch the same movie each at home and then talk about your favorite and least favorite parts together. Join an online book club together.

3. Send thoughtful surprises.
Surprise each other with thoughtful gestures like care packages, handwritten letters or small gifts. These small gestures can make you smile when you least expect it and help you feel loved and appreciated.

4. Provide Assurance
Sometimes we get so caught up in feeling insecure that we forget that our partner may also need reassurance. You can offer this by reminding them how much you care and are committed to deepening your love. Let them know that even though this long distance relationship is difficult, it is worth it to you because of how deeply you love them.

Your partner may not ask for confirmation right away, but that doesn’t mean they don’t need it.

5. Plan for the future
Having a shared vision for the future can help you feel more connected to your partner and give you something to look forward to. Talk about your future plans and then take concrete steps to make them a reality.

Don’t be afraid to dream together about the bucket lists you want to check off together, the memories you want to make, and the goals you want to achieve individually and as a couple

6. Make a relationship workbook together
A communication workbook it’s a fun way to keep your communication healthy despite living apart. This workbook covers many important topics for maintaining a happy long-distance relationship, from communication strategies to goal setting and planning for the future. You can buy your own copy, read the chapter content yourself, and then do the common face-to-face exercises.

Step 3: Plan your action plan

Share this article with your partner and decide which tips you would like to try.
It’s good to start small by choosing a new idea to implement immediately to set yourself up for success. For example, if you choose to take a relationship quiz together, commit to completing the quiz by the end of the week, share your answers, and then talk about your results on Sunday afternoon via Facetime. Put it in your calendars and save time.

Now you have your road map

Imagine no longer feeling like a ping pong ball, but instead firmly in your long distance relationship. Now you have some new ideas to cultivate your love instead of passing the time while you wait for your next in-person meeting.

You have your road map – now all you need to do is follow it.
I hope this helps and you enjoy a delightful long lasting love 💕