If you want things to change in your relationships and life – and make love last, you can half-heartedly wish for them to change and keep talking about what’s wrong…
Or you can be bold and make the changes you want in your life.
We know we make it sound simple (and it’s not), but here’s what you might not know…
It doesn’t matter if you are male or female…
The truth is, if you don’t have the courage to make the changes you know you need to make, what you are experiencing now will be what you will experience in your future.
Not long ago, Susie spoke with a young woman who had a problem with unwarranted jealousy. He had just purchased our course “No more jealousy” and he had a question.
This woman had tried one suggestion from the course and had already seen positive results. She hadn’t gone into a jealous spiral when she and her boyfriend were at a party together and he innocently talked to another woman.
Her boyfriend, in turn, noticed that she wasn’t jealous – and was grateful, though a little unsure of where this new behavior was coming from – and whether or not he could trust her.
This woman told Suzy that while she considered it a big step in the right direction, she still felt uncomfortable inside and here’s what Suzy told her…
“Be bold and focus on the part of what happened that is in line with what you want instead of focusing on the behavior you don’t want.”
Does it take guts not to listen to those voices from the past that say, “You’ve been cheated on before and it will happen again”?
It certainly does.
But nothing will change unless she challenges those voices and makes more empowering choices for herself.
What we are talking about here is not turning a blind eye to what is happening in front of you or even behind your back that you don’t want in your life.
We’re talking about taking an honest look at what’s going on in your relationship and starting with yourself, making the changes that will bring you more of what you want.
Your relationship challenge might not have anything to do with jealousy, but we’re guessing that whatever it is, it might take some bold moves on your part to start creating the kind of relationship and life you want.
Here are 4 bold ways to make a fresh start in your relationship…
1. Challenge your inner stories
The stories you tell yourself over and over are the ones you ultimately live.
So if you tell yourself this “I will never be able to change” the “It will always be like this” your focus is on not having what you want.
If you want things to change for the better, it’s important to become aware of your thoughts and then make choices about what to focus on that are more empowering rather than allowing old, destructive patterns to hold you hostage.
It takes guts to make those kinds of choices, and you need to choose one thought at a time, one moment at a time.
2. Commit to telling the truth
Speaking your truth to hurt your partner is not brave and it’s not what we’re talking about.
We’re talking about getting to your core and speaking from a place within you that is your unquestionable truth.
And that starts with telling yourself the truth.
Many people who have bought ours “Magic words for relationship” The program found these phrases useful for starting difficult conversations that involve speaking your truth…
“This relationship is important to me and…”
“I love you and…”
You can complete these sentences with something like this…
“I want us to grow up together – so it’s important that you know what I think about this…”
3. Stop holding grudges
The thing about grudges is that usually the only person they hurt is you.
Dissatisfaction can not only destroy your emotional well-being but also your physical health.
When you hold resentment, it usually means that you focus on the action or actions that created it in the first place.
In other words, you relive the pain of what happened, over and over again.
Holding grudges is a form of self-harm, even though you probably haven’t thought of it that way.
And it usually doesn’t cause the other person to change.
We do not recommend blindly trusting when there is no reason.
We suggest you stop reliving the past and hurting yourself – and instead look towards the future you want.
4. Allow yourself to get comfortable with being uncomfortable.
Most of us enjoy being comfortable in our relationships and lives and don’t enjoy it when there is tension and we are at odds with those we love.
It’s just not fun!
But the reality is that we are all separate individuals, even in the most connected and loving couples.
The plain truth is that there will be differences.
It is normal for two people not to see eye to eye.
But these differences don’t have to tear you apart.
These differences, no matter how uncomfortable they may make you feel, can be avenues for new growth and expansion if you see it that way.
In the book by Dr. David Schnarch Intimacy & Desiremakes a shocking statement based on his research.
He says that in every couple, one person has more desire in the bedroom than the other person.
And that difference may either not be a big deal – or it may be a deal breaker, depending on the size of the difference.
It’s what two people do to find a solution that suits both of their needs while being open to each other – no matter how uncomfortable – that dictates whether or not their love will last.
It depends on whether the two people are brave enough to stay open with each other and do the things that will keep their love alive – or not.
Sometimes having guts means doing something you never thought you could do – but you know will help you create a better relationship and life.
Sometimes having guts means listening to yourself and your partner in a new way.
Whatever that means in your situation, we invite you to take a step toward a better relationship and life.
