Does Marriage Counseling Work? – Marriage revolution

Signing up for marriage counseling is a significant investment of time, money and hard work. But is it worth it? Does marriage counseling work?

(If you’re pursuing one-on-one counseling, keep reading! You might find some points specific to marriage, but 90% of this article applies to the individual’s counseling journey as well.)

Studies by the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) note that more than 98% of couples who try marriage counseling report that the sessions are either “excellent” or “good.” And of couples who try marriage counseling, 90% say their emotional health has improved. And finally, two-thirds say they have seen improvements in their physical health after seeking counseling. Research overwhelmingly shows that the investment in marriage counseling is worth it!

Marriage Counseling works, but some counseling relationships are better than others. Read on to learn how to make sure you get the most out of your consulting investment.

How to Make Marriage Counseling Work

At a very high level, there are only two variables in the counseling relationship: you and your counselor.

I know I’m biased, but I consider our Marriage Revolution 2 team^n.d to none (see consistent 5-star Google Reviews). Our Marriage Revolution counselors have been carefully selected based on their appeal in this field and their ability to make a difference in the lives of couples. I trust them to love you well, know your story, tell the truth with love, and help you make the necessary changes to build the marriage of your dreams.

If you’ve already chosen a counselor at Marriage Revolution, great! If you’re still trying to decide on an adviser, you can check out our advice page below to learn more about our process and team.

On the other side of a successful counseling relationship equation is you. I promise our consultants will do their best to give you the care and advice you deserve. But can I ask you to do your part too? If you and your spouse do, you and your counselor can accomplish some incredible things together.

Here are ten ways you and your husband can do your part.

Willing

Do you want to change? I know this answer seems obvious, but let me ask it differently. How much do you want to change? How sick and tired are you of being sick and tired of the state of your marriage?

I know your situation is probably uncomfortable, but change is also painful. Are you willing to trade the discomfort of your current situation for the uncomfortable change of your thoughts, actions, and possibly even some relationships? You have a choice, and your choice will largely determine the outcome of the counseling relationship.

Patient

One of our mantras at Marriage Revolution is that change is slow and messy. Just the opposite of what we would like it to be! In many cases, the counseling process will take weeks or months to get to know each other, identify the root causes of the problem behavior, identify where mindset or belief change is needed, and agree on some practical steps for change.

There will be weeks when things look great! But there will be other weeks when things don’t look so good. Don’t worry… this is a normal part of the process. Each week won’t necessarily be better than the last. Be careful not to measure success by any given moment, but let’s take an honest look at the trajectory of change over time.

Realistic

Marriage Counseling does not usually result in you or your spouse becoming a completely different person. Marriage counseling will help you become better versions of yourself as we understand your personality strengths and weaknesses, desires, motivations, thinking and behavior and how this affects your marriage relationship. Our goal is not to give you a “new husband,” but to help you and your spouse become more like Christ in the way you think, speak, and act. This takes time. It takes a lifetime. But God promises that He is always faithful to complete the work He has begun in you and your wife (Philippians 1:6). Our goal is not perfection but the accumulation of small victories over time that result in a trajectory of change and increased closeness.

Honest

One of the hardest parts of counseling is meeting someone you don’t normally know and sharing your deepest secrets. I admit that this is a difficult but necessary hurdle to overcome together. It is necessary because we can only help you to the extent that we know you.

We do our best to create a safe and trusted environment for you to share all the relevant details of your life. If we push for more information, we never ask because we’re just curious. We ask because we care and want to be more informed to help better. We know that sharing your story with a stranger is a big step. Try to take some tough but appropriate steps to be honest with yourself, situations at home and fears, insecurities, hurts, etc.

Humble

Without knowing you and with love, I want to say something that you should hear. You are, at least in part, responsible for where your marriage is today. This means you have things to work on. I know your husband has things to work on too, but please focus on your own things more than your husband’s things. That takes humility. When you and your spouse work on your own stuff more than worrying about each other’s stuff, the marriage counseling relationship is destined for success (Matthew 7:3-5). Always try to work on your issues more and before your spouse’s issues.

Sacrificial

This process will take a sacrifice. Sacrifice of time, money, work, activities, hobbies, preferences, habits, success, other relationships, etc… I know I’m not a very good salesman for marriage advice. However, more than a salesperson, I want your marriage to experience change. The very nature of love required to make a marriage work is sacrificial love. If two people are not willing to love sacrificially, I can almost guarantee that the marriage counseling process and the marriage itself will fall apart. Marriage requires two people to die to themselves in order for the marriage to live. This sounds depressing, but believe me, it is THE most rewarding way to live.

Diligent

There are 168 hours in a week. And if you only spend 1 hour a week in counseling and expect the other 167 to magically change, you have unrealistic expectations of what counseling will do. There will be work to assign between sessions to help you process and apply what you learn in session. The work will vary from pair exercises, article reading, audio listening, journaling, Bible reading and memorization, etc… Don’t worry, we won’t overwhelm you with all of this in 1 week, but we will assign “counseling partners” per throughout your time with us to help you between sessions Please do your homework.

Transparent

I want to encourage you to tell someone that you are in counseling—someone you trust who loves you and can pray for you both. Talk to your spouse about some possibilities and agree on at least one person or couple who can walk alongside you during this process. Counseling will become an important source of the community God wants you to have for your marriage to thrive. But this “counseling community” is not important or permanent enough to save your marriage. Your marriage needs other people outside of counseling who will be there after the counseling relationship ends.

Confidence

Give your advisor a chance to earn your trust. You may be a trusting person by nature, or you may see everyone through a skeptical lens. Whatever the case may be, you can set up the counseling relationship for success by at least choosing to face the direction of your counselor’s trust from day one. We do not expect trust to emerge immediately after the first session, but we do ask that you work towards trust so that the counseling relationship can thrive.

All of us at Marriage Revolution have spoken to hundreds of couples over the years. While every situation is somewhat unique, your marriage is likely to face several common problems that we’ve helped couples deal with successfully in the past. Try us. Even if they ask us from time to time. But give us a chance to earn your trust.

Dependent

Rob Rienow said, “If you think you have it in you to be a godly husband (or wife), you either don’t know what God wants, or you’ve set the bar too low.” You may be able and capable, but lovingly, you don’t have what it takes for your marriage to be all that God desires. No one does. The work you want to see happen in you, your spouse, and your marriage can only be accomplished through a life-transforming, day-by-day, moment-by-moment relationship with Christ.

In John 15, Jesus says, “I am the vine, you are the branches. If a man abides in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit. apart from me you can do nothing.’ It seems a little excessive, but trust me. is not. You can resist this truth with pride or submit to it with humility. Depends on you. But I encourage you to submit to it, align yourself with it, and admit your need to God daily. The good news? He gives generously when you realize your need and ask for help (1 John 5:14-15).

Now is the time

I heard Gary Rosberg once say, “The best time to plant an oak tree was 20 years ago. The second best time to plant one is now.”

If you’ve already signed up for marriage counseling, great! You have taken an important step towards the wedding of your dreams.

If you haven’t signed up for counseling but need it, what are you waiting for?

Perhaps the best time to sign up for counseling was some time ago. But the second best time is now.

Marriages don’t fix themselves. In fact, in the absence of work on your marriage, you and your spouse are likely to drift apart. And the removal won’t stop until you stop it. You must resist deviance and be purposeful and intentional about pursuing change.

Make the decision today to seek help.

I pray you do.