This time of year is the worst for any man or woman facing marriage or relationship challenges.
You want to be happy on the holidays, but when your relationship (or any relationship) no longer has the love, passion and connection you want – and you’re not sure how to bring it back…
What are you doing?
The worst holiday season Otto ever had was the year he left his ex-wife and therefore – his then 8-year-old son.
Pretty much all Otto did that holiday season was cry.
He was watching a TV commercial for toys and thinking about his son with whom he had spent the previous 8 Christmas mornings with…
And it would collapse.
He would try to make plans for the holidays and it just wasn’t the same.
Today, Otto’s son is 34, and the two talk (or text) several times a week and have a great relationship.
They share a lot with each other and absolutely love the Cincinnati Reds major league baseball team and of course “The Boss” Bruce Springsteen.
Although leaving his previous marriage was a very painful part of Otto’s life, there is a part that is much worse than all of this…
Hallway to hell.
Limbo is when you are in a state of uncertainty, when you don’t know what to do about something important and you are stuck or frozen.
The reason you get stuck on ANY decision is that you associate emotional (or possibly some other kind of) pain both with staying where you are and with how you think things would be if you made a new decision.
So you do nothing and what you are left with by default is pain.
This is where many people are in their relationships and lives this holiday season.
They feel pain in being where they are and feel that there will be nothing but pain if they leave.
So they basically freeze.
Stuck.
If you’re someone who faces holiday relationship challenges, here’s the best advice we could give you…
Decide to do something about it.
Do NOT decide to stay stuck.
We are not saying that you or anyone else should leave their relationship or marriage to find love and happiness.
This requires careful consideration and a conscious effort to rekindle your love before doing so.
What we’re saying is that limbo is a dangerous place to live because if you don’t take steps to improve your life and your relationship, you ARE making a choice – and a very painful one at that.
So what are you doing?
When we work with people in our coaching sessions, most of the time, we hear this…
“I just don’t know what to do to make things better. I’ve tried everything.”
What we can lovingly say is that in most cases, they have tried the same things that haven’t worked over and over again and seem shocked that their lives haven’t improved.
If you’re at a relationship rut this holiday season or want to recapture the love and connection you once had in any relationship…
Here are 3 ways to break free from holiday relationship challenges and move towards what you want…
1. Put the facts on paper
Get clear on what you really want and what is most important to you. You have to know what you want to be able to move towards it.
If you need help sorting this out, get our Should You Stay or Go? this is one of the best resources available anywhere to help you make that decision.
If you need more support, work with us in person via phone or Zoom and we’ll help you figure out what you really want to do.
You can ask one of us to help you solve your relationship challenges in person, over the phone or Zoom.
To get our personal help with your relationship, send us an email here…
The next thing we’re going to suggest to help you get out of “limbo” is…
2. Try a new idea to move towards what you want
If communication with your partner is a problem holding you back from the love you want, learn some new ways to listen and talk to each other.
We came out with our “Magic Relationship Words” a while back and these tips are some really easy ways to try something new right now to bring some openness and ease into your relationship.
The key is to make sure you communicate in ways that draw your partner closer to you instead of ways that push them further away.
Next…
3. Focus your attention on what is changing for the better
So often, we focus so much attention on what’s missing that we lose sight of what works and what we love about the other person.
We lose track of what we love about ourselves.
If you’re in an abusive situation or one where the cheating continues, we don’t mean turning a blind eye to what’s happening right in front of you – and what you have to deal with.
We’re talking about shifting your focus and seeing if your partner or other person starts coming to you in ways you want – or not.
If you are in limbo, decide today to break free so you can step out of it into greater happiness and love.
Because the truth is, there is life after the void – and it might be even better than you realize.
