My review of the Lovehoney Dream Wand Sex Toy Advent Calendar
A few years ago, I went on a hunt for an adult journal.
I didn’t really know what I was looking for. I just knew I wanted something better than these tiny chocolates. At the very least, I wanted one that had fancy little chocolates.
I found all kinds of options and most of them seemed designed specifically to appeal to basic Millennial girls like me.
One had various little jars of jam, which was really tempting, even though I don’t even eat jam very often.
Another was loaded with small scented candles. But I had already blown my budget at Bath & Body Works, so I couldn’t really justify it.
I’m sure someone had a bunch of bath bombs. It’s just the kind of thing you’d get a mom if you didn’t know what to get her. And I’m a mom, so yeah, I’d absolutely love it.
But then I found the perfect one. Not just an adult advent calendar, but an advent calendar that is strictly for adults.
Every day you would open one of the little doors and get a new toy, some lube, a feather tickle – some little thing meant to brighten up your evenings.
That settled it. I wanted this – and I wanted it more than I’ve ever wanted an attendance calendar in my life.
Because the only thing better than celebrating Sexmas would be celebrating it for a dozen days straight.
Even with all this excitement, I never ended up getting it. Or any of those other advent calendars, for that matter.
I immediately spoke to take it. Then before I could bring my credit card I was already talking about it. I told myself that I should be getting gifts for other people, not myself.
I was going back and forth. But after a few days, I managed to convince myself to get it.
Because technically it wouldn’t be for me either. Come to think of it, it would really be for my husband. All these little surprises would put me in a lively mood, so he could pat it on the back a few times. He would make me ride him hard. It would take a couple sloppy blowjob full of Christmas spirit.
But by the time I figured out the jiu-jitsu equivalent of wrapping my ass in a bow and telling Mr. Austin he could come with me, it was too late.
It was mid December so if I ordered it I would end up opening all the little doors at once on Christmas Eve. Or start after Christmas and stretch it out until the New Year.
That wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world, obviously. A big shebang the night before I gift my husband a new stroker or two wouldn’t be so bad. A bunch of dirty fun to relieve the stress of the holidays would be pretty decent too.
But it just wouldn’t be the same. So I decided to get one next year.
Then the next Christmas came and I forgot about it until it was too late.
Same thing next year, because I am reliably forgetful.
This year is different though. Thanks to a combination of good medicine, dumb luck, and a few reminders that I planned well in advance, I got all my Christmas shopping done early.
And yes, I got my hands on a great adult calendar so I can fully enjoy the holidays.
OK, but what’s in the box?
I will spend the second half of December with the Lovehoney Dream Stick Sex Toy Advent Calendar.
And I guess I should warn you that I’m about to spoil the whole damn thing. Why yes, I already opened them all, looked inside, even took pictures.
But it’s not something you wouldn’t see on the product page anyway, so it felt silly to play it coy.
