They are not on the same page about physical contact, affection or sex. One of them wonders why anyone could care so much about sex. The other cannot imagine how their partner can live without a close physical connection. They are at the extreme ends of a libido spectrum. It seems impossible for them to change. Honestly, it’s impossible without help.
They need my support – or the support of another sex-help professional. Without a third party to help them sort out all the emotions they’re feeling, they’ll never be able to break free of the barriers to connection they’re experiencing.
They are in a hole and unless they start digging they will never get out.
Maybe you’ve weathered relationship storms and come out the other side happy.
Or, maybe you’ve established some intimacy routines that allow you to stay connected when others fail.
What are intimacy routines?
Intimacy routines are things you do together almost every day that keep you connected as lovers—not just friends.
I say ALMOST every day. If you do something every day without fail, it can be a red flag. Every.single.day means you may not respond to challenging things that happen in life. Things like the stomach flu and a dog that needs stitches.
I recommend that you create Routines Almost Every Day in at least two of these three areas:
Morning connection: This can be a shared cup of coffee or a good morning text if your partner has to leave the house at dawn. Maybe you spend time sitting together, figuring out what your day will be like and planning dinner or the day or the week or the season. Maybe cuddle in bed after you wake up and before you climb out. Maybe you daydream about going on a yoga retreat to Costa Rica with your Minnesota yoga teacher.
Lunch Connection: Send each other texts or pictures or emojis. Stop by at work to say hello. Consider a lunch date (or rummage), go for a walk, have coffee together, listen to each other talk about everything that matters – not just bills or work stress. Take a bike ride in the summer or a hike on the beach or in the woods.
Bedtime Connection: Be intentional about settling for sleep. Let each other know how much you care about each other. Bedtime is often not the best time for sex, so don’t push yourself too hard about it. Share tenderness, love, intimacy and loving touch at bedtime.
When you have solid habits in at least 2 of these 3 areas, you give your relationship a great chance to stay healthy.
You have it.
Ho ho
Joanna
PS: Need help thinking about these things? Sign up for a free 1:1 virtual coffee chat with me using this link: https://www.howtofixmysexlife.com/coffeedate.html
PPS: Many couples who see me have completely different bedtimes. Many of them sleep in different bedrooms – often for good reasons such as snoring or other sleep problems. If that’s you, you can still log in at bedtime.
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