Can you spot a scammer? Apparently, there are 5 types of cheaters and very specific reasons why they fall for it. But first, let’s dig into a recent one celebrity cheating scandal.
A match made in Victoria’s Secret heaven?
It seemed like Behati tame the rock star Adam Levinewho had once joked “I will never marry” during an interview on The Tonight Show.
On the surface, it seemed like a perfect marriage. They had three children, Adam gushing about his love for her: “She makes me the best person I can be.”
Who would have guessed years later that the Maroon5 star would be embroiled in a cheating scandal with incredible leaked text messages? According to the 5 categories of cheaters in the book CheatingLandAdam Levine is the textbook “Peacock.”
The author (who has kept his identity anonymous to protect the families he interviewed), interviewed over 60 married couples who cheated on their partners. He found that adulterers fall into 5 different groups.
1. DEAD BEDROOMS:
Dead bedrooms they make up the biggest group of cheaters: married people who feel their love lives have stalled. They feel lonely, unfulfilled and disconnected from their partner. They yearn to return to the relationship that was once full of sparks and passion.
They tend to have an outside partner who helps them satisfy their longing for a break from the routine and normality of their marriage. While they regret their escapades, for them cheating is an answer to a problem. As long as they are not caught, confrontation and conflict are avoided. It means taking their sexual frustration and desire for novelty and stimulation into their own hands.
2. PEACOCK
The sad wounded Dead Bedroomer is in stark contrast to the brooding, brooding Peacock. The second biggest group of cheaters, peacocks are greedy – they need validation over and over again that they are sexy, seductive and special.
For Peacocks, cheating energizes them and boosts their ego – cheating confirms their power and sexual prowess. The adrenaline rush of sneaking around and the risk of getting caught are all part of the thrilling charge that makes Peacocks feel alive. In an unconscious way, being the center of drama is all part of the joy.
They tend to have a high opinion of themselves but are also deeply insecure. They need validation from others constantly. They like to feel strong and the challenge of the hunt. When choosing who to cheat with, they want someone who is a challenge – someone who is too “easy” doesn’t have the same edge.
3. SUPPLEMENTS
Of all the cheater types interviewed in the book, Completers talked about how much they loved their partners the most. But despite their love, they feel they need a second relationship to feel whole and complete. They look for a yin to their partner’s yang.
They have feelings and needs that are too intense for a single partner to meet, so they seek a second relationship to feel complete.
Usually, completers choose lovers who have the opposite personality from their current partner. They don’t see their partner as a throwaway. Instead, they develop a strong bond to lay the foundation of their relationship.
4. REVENGE SEEKS
The fraud of revenge is based on the quintessence of poetic justice. Give them a taste of their own medicinethey think.
They despise them, they are motivated by anger and resentment, and revenge is their idea of medicine. They cheat as a reaction to being cheated on. But sometimes they take revenge for some other relationship crime. To punish their partner, infidelity is a weapon. Sometimes they feel it is the only way they can hurt their partner and in a sense it gives them a sense of control.
Revenge seekers are usually deeply hurt, driven by rage and a need for retribution.
5. EMOTIONAL CONNECTIONS
We tend to think of cheating primarily in terms of sexual encounters that involve physical intimacy. BUT emotional affairs are just as damaging as physical ones. Emotional attachments have friendships that are sexually charged and extremely intimate. What may have started as a friendship crosses the line into something more.
While they are not having sex, they are involved in other aspects of a romantic relationship. They share secrets, they tell their partner things they wouldn’t tell their spouse, they keep the true depth of the relationship hidden – because deep down, they know they’re crossing the line.
Emotional affairs often happen without the two people realizing it. But after one seemingly innocent line is crossed, then another, and they find themselves entangled with their colleague, friend, neighbor…
DO ALL MEN CHEAT? DO ALL WOMEN CHEAT?
The exact number is hard to know, but some large surveys report that about 20-25% of men have cheated on their spouses and 15-20% of women have cheated on their spouses. According to some more recent studies, the number of women who cheat increases if you include emotional affairs.
Do men and women have different motivations for cheating? Make sure you subscribe to my newsletter as I will share the data in the next article.
