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Want to learn a simple way to turn your man on and start having kinkier sex? Take the reins and start having sex. Of course, there is no right way to start sex. But we have some ideas that are sure to help you make your home success much more likely.
Why you should initiate sex
Think about your past sexual encounters, whether they were one-night stands or sex in a romantic relationship. Who initiated these meetings? Whose hand touched first, whose body pressed against another’s without prompting, or, in modern times, who sent the first sexy text? It is possible that your experiences involve the man making the first move more often.
In sex and relationships, men are expected to make the first move, even in a modern, egalitarian society.
This is a lot of pressure on men. They need to initiate sex and ask for first dates. This means they have to deal with rejection when women say “No” or even just “Not tonight.”
It also leads to routine. You probably know exactly how your partner will ask for sex if you’ve had sex a few times already. This can leave you feeling uninspired.
But initiating sex on your own takes the pressure off your partner and can change your routine. If you get the ball rolling, the encounter can be different. You can even direct the way it goes, which can be exciting and enjoyable!
Finally, initiating sex shows your man that you want him, that he is desirable. Men don’t feel this way as often as women, even though everyone feels good when they know how much they are wanted. Instead of focusing on how he can make you feel, think about how good you can make him feel.
If you’re not in the habit of initiating sex, your partner will probably appreciate the break when you initiate things. Things might become a little more balanced between the two of you.
But if initiating sex is something new to you, you might feel a little nervous about it or even wondering how to initiate sex.
Side note: If you feel nervous about driving your man, this guide on how to drive your man with confidence will help.
When you’re nervous about initiating sex
It’s normal to be a little nervous before sex (learn how to deal with sex anxiety), but you shouldn’t be nervous about initiating sex, especially if it’s with a long-term partner. Think about why you might be nervous.
- Worried about rejection: There is always the possibility that your partner does not want sex. After all, he’s human and people don’t always want sex. Feeling sick or exhausted can lead to rejection. But remember, it’s not a rejection of you personally or even sex with you. He just doesn’t have the idea right now. You can try again later. Chances are, you’ll hear “yes” more than “no.” After all, you’ve probably rejected your partner once or twice, but it was about the time it was wrong. And men are often less attached to how they look, feel or smell. Sex is sex!
- You don’t want to look silly or stupid: Sure, asking for sex can feel a little weird at times, but it’s a skill you need to work on – just like flirting with a guy. Initiating sex doesn’t have to be all that sexy! Plus, you don’t necessarily have to do it in person. A phone call, note, or dirty text can help you save face until you’re brave enough to initiate face-to-face sex.
Honestly, the more times you initiate sex, the less anxiety you’ll feel. And the easier it will be for the occasional “rejection”. So the best way to overcome these feelings is to practice, practice, practice!
How to initiate sex
There is no way to have a sexy time. So we provide some suggestions, or you can find one yourself.
1. Be direct
The direct route is often the best route because guys can ignore your advice a bit. You might realize this if you’ve hinted that you want sex in the past and your partner didn’t pick up on it.
Tell him you want sex or ask him if he would like to have sex. Watch your man’s face light up at the idea! If you throw it into casual conversation on the way home for dinner, the element of surprise can make sex even hotter!
2. Use body language
Or, you can go the non-verbal route. When you’re cuddling with your man, step things up by grabbing his zipper, grabbing him by the top of his pants, or rubbing your hips against his. Consider taking his hands and moving them to some part of your body – your chest or crotch – that sends an unmistakable message and can make for great foreplay.
Alternatively, come up behind him, wrap your arms around him, hug him and kiss him. You can whisper something sensual if you want and see where it goes.
3. Send a Steamy Text
If you haven’t made an effort to initiate sex in person, then sending a flirty text is the way to go. You can send a sultry photo (how to take a really sexy selfie) or just let your man know how much he misses you. Perhaps you are talking about a particularly rewarding encounter in the past.
Whatever you say, you’ll let your partner know you’re thinking about sex.. and make them think about it too! When he walks through that door or when you get home after work, your clothes will literally fall off!
4. Dress The Part
Is there something sexy that your partner would like you to wear more, but you’re feeling a little self-conscious? Maybe there is a piece you could add to your wardrobe and surprise your man? Leave the shopping bag where he can find it, or even wrap it up with a note letting him know you plan to wear it later.
If you go out wearing something sexy, you’re sure to send the right signal and your partner is likely to stop what they’re doing and pay attention to you!
Bonus points if you wear something sexy and put on a sexy show. What man doesn’t love dancing around?
5. Press yourself against Him
You know how you can sometimes feel like your man is pressing into you when you’re in certain cuddling positions? His body obviously wants to have sex, and you should take advantage of that if you do too! So rub your booty against his erection and move his hands to your chest, and you’ll soon get what you want.
Related: How to Make Your Man Hard
6. Take control
If sex is what you want, you can take control of the situation by pressing on his lap when he’s watching TV or playing video games. You can change things by standing on top of him when you hug, pinning his hands above his head and kissing him passionately.
Read more: How to kiss with intense passion
The would-be dome in you might even tell him to strip once he gets home.
Interested in being more dominant in the bedroom? Then you must read this post about dominating your man.
7. First preliminary game
While men think with more than just their dick, they are usually quite receptive to stimulation. So, if you unzip his pants and start taking him down, he’s likely to lead you to hot sex.
8. Join Him In The Shower
Take something ordinary and up the sex factor. Showering is a great way. You can step in with him when he’s in the middle of his morning ritual and lather him up for a dirty hour while he gets cleaned up. Or you can shed your clothes and invite him to shower you on your way to the bathroom!
9. Let him find you masturbating
It’s very hot to see your partner enjoying himself and most men feel the same way about their partners. So keep the door open and make some noise when you masturbate. The sight and sounds will likely send him into a frenzy – and into your arms!
“Letting” him catch you watching porn or reading romance is a great way to let him know you want sex without being too bold.
Learn: 14 masturbation techniques for intense orgasms
Feel free to get creative when you initiate sex. Recognize that some methods work better than others and that timing is also important. You won’t always end up rolling in the sack, but sometimes your efforts will pay off big.
As you enjoy sex, be sure to continue your active role. Touch your partner and yourself. Climb to the top. Let him know that you are with him right now!
You don’t always have to be the one to initiate sex in your relationship, but knowing how to initiate sex can help boost your sex life. And if your man isn’t down, you’re always free to do the work yourself!
