A weekly date night is your built-in resistance to your marriage’s inevitable turn toward loneliness.
Everyone knows it’s necessary. most couples want it, but few do. In fact, over 90% of the couples we see for counseling do not spend regular time together.
As essential as the weekly appointment is, it is not easy to implement consistently. And I would say, not for lack of desire but for lack of priority.
Think about your level of responsibility when you were dating your spouse compared to your level of responsibility now. For most, I imagine you have exponentially more responsibilities and pressures now than you did then: young children, busy schedules, increased financial demands, career stress, and a lack of trusted babysitters, to name a few.
Having a weekly date may seem impossible, but it’s worth it to put it near your priorities when nurturing and building your marriage.
Think of it this way: how successful would your dating relationship be if I took each other out once a month? Or even worse, once every two months? Let me answer you… not very successful. If that was how often you dated each other, your marriage probably wouldn’t have happened.
I’ve heard it said, “what comes naturally in dating should be done intentionally and purposefully in marriage.”
Time together on a weekly date night won’t fix your marriage by itself, but regular time together is essential to working on your marriage and making it what you want it to be.
So, how do you reset a weekly appointment? Here are eight tips to bring it back and bring it back for good!
Make it a priority
Chances are, you both want a weekly date, but only one of you thinks it can happen. If you’re the one who says it might happen, casually talk about your desire with your spouse. Tell them you miss spending regular time with them. Not in an accusatory way that makes them feel like they’ve done something wrong, but in an engaging way that expresses your desire with hope. Maybe something like “I miss you” or “I miss you.”
Schedule it
If you leave the appointment to chance, there is little chance of it happening. I have heard it said this way, “What is set, is done.” Try to pick a time that will work 75% of the time. Choose another night if it doesn’t work 75% of the time. If there is no time that works, you may be too busy.
Let me put it this way: you can’t have a growing marriage and an overly busy life. Saying YES to your marriage requires saying NO to some great but less important people, activities, opportunities, and responsibilities—notice I said less important, not unimportant. You are probably not involved in something completely trivial, but the point is to discern what it is most great. And taking care of your marriage is one of the most important things you can prioritize. Put it as a non-negotiable appointment in your calendar.
Protect it
Once you put it on the calendar, make it non-negotiable. Expect something at work, with the kids, or an expected invitation somewhere, and then plan how to respond. Make this a priority. If you don’t, something will stop you.
Plan it
Make a reservation, get a babysitter, get your movie tickets in advance, put the finances aside and figure out how to get there and what to do next. Don’t get in the car and pop the question at the end of the date,”What do you want to do;” the, “Where do you want to go to eat??”
Occasionally, plan a discussion topic or question to discuss at dinner. Or, prepare a few words of appreciation for your spouse.
Sprinkle it on
To avoid dating, sprinkle it a few times as well. My wife and I have our staples that we love, but we also like to try new places about once a month. Some are complete failures, but sometimes, we come across some hidden gems. Regardless of whether your finds are a success or a failure, the most important thing is to spend time together.
A final word: planning also includes a contingency plan. What happens if the babysitter cancels? What if someone has to be a little late and it causes a missed reservation or movie time? Or what if the finances just aren’t there? Making an in-home appointment may be your answer.
We recently came across a tool that makes an “in” date feel more spontaneous and fun -The Happy Co’s Date Box. You can subscribe to this box (your first one is here!) and receive unique ideas for home dates, activities, conversation starters and more once a month!
Talk about it
Once you’ve drawn it, talk about it together. Let each other know via text or call that you are looking forward to spending time together. Talk about the menu and what you’re going to order from start to finish. The anticipation of a night together can be as exciting as the night itself. At the very least, it will create a bonding dynamic that carries into the evening, making your time together even more incredible.
Pray about it
I believe that busyness is one of Satan’s attacks to distract us from spending quality time with the people who matter most to us. Not to over-spiritualize this, but if spending regular time together is the pillar of a growing marriage, then make no mistake: Satan will try to destroy it.
A babysitter cancels.
Your booking was not completed.
Your car breaks down.
A seemingly more important commitment appears on your calendar.
Whatever tries to get in the way of your date, recognize where it’s coming from and respond accordingly. Pray that nothing gets in the way of your date night and that God will allow it to be a bonding time for you as a couple. And when a potential distraction arises, pray together and agree on whether to stick with it or hit pause on date night. Some distractions will reasonably get in the way of some date nights, but again, the goal is 75%.
Do it
All the planning and preparation in the world doesn’t make up for just doing it. We do what is important to us. Hopefully, you realize how fundamental date night is to the health and longevity of your marriage, and therefore make it a priority.
Have a nice date!
