Being single is not bad despite what society dictates Marriage, childrenand the white fence.
In fact, being single can be a lot empowerment. It can bring a lot of self-awareness and the ability to work with oneself before sharing one’s life with someone else.
Therefore, whether one is free by choice or because it is difficult to find a partner, the single life it is not a bad thing or something to be frowned upon.
This article aims to examine the reasons Why you may be single.
1. You’re afraid of being in a relationship
According Battle Myishasex and dating coach:
“Fear is one of the main reasons I see people stay single. This includes fear of rejection, fear of creating an online dating profile, and fear of putting their intentions into partnership.”
So even though you may actively want a relationship, there is something holding you back. You may be afraid of getting hurt or what others think of you, for example.
And for this reason, you feel it is easier to sit and wait love to come to you or excuse that you are “too busy” or focused on yourself.
2. Your standards are too high
“In some cases, the inability to find a suitable partner is due to expectations that are too high.” says Carla Marie ManlyPh.D.
Maybe you’re approaching the dating game with a long checklist, hoping you’ll find the perfect person who ticks all the boxes.
But the problem with that is – these high expectations make it almost impossible to find the “right” partner.
Manly says:If the bar is set too high in hopes of finding the perfect partner, the right partner may be overlooked.”
At the same time, your standards may be high because you have been so deceived or turned down in the past that you have a “Everything’s OK” attitude..
Often this can lead you to start finding fault with everyone you meet or continue to have these unrealistic expectations.
3. You lack basic relationship skills
Maybe you’re single because there are still relationship skills you haven’t learned yet.
And that’s not a bad thing! It just means that you can start exploring these courses to find a suitable partner.
As Battle says:Think there might be things you can work on as a date.”
For example, if you are an insecure or jealous person, you may overcompensate by being clingy in a relationship. This could lead to alienation of a partner.
The key to learning new relationship skills is to identify these personal challenges and address them.
4. You have unresolved trauma
Whether it’s ex-partners or other incidents in your life, “unresolved trauma often prevents finding a loving partner;,” says Manly.
Think about some of the relationships you have, such as with your parents or siblings. This could have a big impact on how you experience your relationships today.
Actually, past wound it can manifest in your relationship as attachment issues, abandonment issues, or trust issues.
“When we are unaware of our inner challenges or work to heal them, we often unconsciously push others away,,” says Manly.
5. You are a victim of social prejudice
Being single is probably not your fault.” He says battle. ““Dating can be an undeniable minefield, especially for minorities of any kind, fat people, people with disabilities, etc.”
And although much has changed over the years, there is still social prejudice that takes place today.
Things like the sexismableism, racism and lipophobia are still rife, meaning physical matching isn’t very fair in the dating world and beyond.
6. You are attracted to the wrong kind of person
This is mostly unconscious, but some people have a tendency to seek relationships with those who do not suit them.
This may be because they want to reinforce critical thoughts they have about themselves or how others have often treated them.
For example, you may choose a partner who is emotionally unavailable without consciously knowing it.
This then leads to another break up that you put all the blame on said partner. After that, you’re left with heartache, frustration, and rejection without realizing you’re following a pattern.
And while this pattern isn’t ideal, it can be a lot harder to deal with worry which accompanies the abandonment of old patterns.
7. You have low self-esteem
In this regard, one’s critical inner voice is much stronger than the desire to be in a satisfying relationship.
For example, you may think that no one could ever be interested in you because you keep using negative self-talk.
“I am ugly. I am overweight. I’m dumb. I’m very old,” they are common ways that people experience low self-esteem and push people away.
Some other ways low self-esteem can get in the way of finding a partner could include: being (socially) anxious, feeling too down or depressed to go out and meet people, or not being able to maintain visual contact.
Then, of course, if you’re attracted to someone else, your low self-esteem prevents you from pursuing anything.
8. Fear the competition
In today’s modern dating world, people are constantly in competition.
There is a seemingly endless list of possible matches to yours dating appsand this could lead one to keep looking for someone ‘hotter’, ‘smarter’ ‘taller’ etc.
On the other hand, if you have low self-esteem, you may stop yourself from dating in any capacity, believing that anyone could do better than you.
Essentially though, pushing that fear to stop comparing yourself to others, and going for what you want often ends up being worth it. You may experience a stronger sense of self and increase your chances of finding a relationship.
Do you identify with any of these 8 reasons why you might be single? You are not alone.
And if you’re actively looking for a relationship, hopefully you can recognize your patterns and work through them to find someone you absolutely deserve and desire.
