Notes from the podcast:
A peculiar trend has emerged in the ever-evolving landscape of modern dating, leaving many wondering, “What in the world are men doing?” The scenario is all too familiar: you text a guy, the conversation is flirty, sparks seem to be flying, and suddenly, everything is off. Maybe even suggest going out sometime. he enthusiastically agrees and then… radio silence.
Unraveling the Silence: The Dual Culprits
Two main reasons often underlie this confusing behavior:
1. Shyness or fear of rejection: The fear of rejection or not being good enough can paralyze even the most caring person.
2. Backburner Syndrome and Breadcrumbing: It’s a strategy that could easily be mistaken for the world’s worst cooking show, where someone keeps you in their orbit with no real intention of starting a serious relationship.
Bread is essentially emotional manipulation. Shows enough interest to keep someone hooked, giving them sporadic and inconsistent attention without any clear plan or intention to develop a full relationship.
A widespread phenomenon
Is this situation unique? No way. Research from 2020, which involved around 600 participants, revealed that more than half had experienced crumbs at some point. Interestingly, the prevalence of breadcrumbing is significantly higher online compared to in-person dating contexts, particularly among people seeking short-term relationships. But remember, it’s not about you. is a reflection of the modern dating scene.
Why do men do it?
The reasons are varied and often not flattering:
-Some men believe they can always do better by keeping their options open for a “better” opportunity.
-Others may be bored, lonely or even married, using bread to feel connected without commitment.
-An important factor is avoiding confrontation. Many find it difficult to cut things off.
The Psychological Hooks of Breadcrumbing
Breadcrumbing exploits several psychological principles:
–Intermittent Reinforcement: The unpredictable nature of attention can be as addictive as gambling.
–Profit-Loss Theory: The desire to “win” someone over enhances the perceived value of their sporadic affection.
–Principle of scarcity: We tend to want what we can’t have, making the elusive attention seem more valuable.
Breadcrumbing recognition
How can you tell if they are crushing on you? Watch for signs like sporadic communication, superficial interactions, detachment, mixed signals, and an unwillingness to make the relationship a priority.
Protecting yourself
Here are three principles to protect against the effects of breadcrumbs:
1. Self-esteem: Remember, you deserve more than crumbs. a high value person is looking for a fulfilling relationship.
2. Equal investment: Make sure the emotional investment and the effort investment are mutual.
3. Behavior as an indicator of priority: Do actions speak louder than words? behavior consistently shows genuine interest.
Real signs of interest
If you’re questioning a guy’s feelings, here are seven undeniable signs that he likes you:
1. Consistent Communication: Maintains predictable texting patterns and regular contact.
2. Follow-Through: Does what he says he wants, demonstrating reliability and integrity.
3. It makes time: You are a priority, and he makes an effort to spend time with you, even in a busy schedule.
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4. Planning effort: Takes initiative in making appointments or meetings, often goes out of his way to see you.
5. Emotional vulnerability: He is willing to share his feelings, thoughts and vulnerabilities with you.
6. Sacrifices: He’s willing to make sacrifices for you, like meeting up after a long day or adjusting his schedule to fit yours.
7. Genuine interest: His interest goes beyond the physical. he wants to understand your thoughts, feelings and experiences.
In conclusion, while flirting has become a common strategy in the dating world, recognizing and understanding it enables you to navigate these tricky waters. Remember, settling for crumbs doesn’t keep you full – it keeps you hungry for the genuine connection everyone deserves.
