Now, here are 6 tips to help you love your husband well:
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Did you know that words make up only 7% of communication?
Only 7%!! Our tone, body language, facial expression and actions are actually what do most of the talking. So when you say “I love you” or share sweet and kind words, think about your non-verbals. Make sure everything lines up to send the message you want to send. If the kind or thoughtful things you said don’t seem to register, that may be what’s blocking the message. If you don’t back up your “I love you” with some tangible evidence, what are you waiting for?
2. Find out what makes them feel loved
Do you know what makes your husband feel seen, known and loved? If not, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with asking! Ask your husband how he would most like to receive affection from you. Asking what makes them feel loved is a great first step. They’ll be thrilled that you’re interested, and you’ll get the information you need to do this well in a way that speaks to them.
3. Learn how they best receive this form of affection
Chances are, you’re better at showing love the way you’d prefer to receive it. But it is extremely rare that both spouses have the exact same love language. So get clear on how they most desire the kind of affection they crave. If they love gifts, you need to know if this is something really special for their birthday or if you’re going to surprise them with their favorite snack on a random Wednesday. Maybe they’ve already let you know what they love, or are generous with hints. If not, ask for a list of 5-10 ideas, create a joint note where you can both leave ideas, or use our Love Cans resource to get a good idea of what speaks to them most.
4. Let go of the past and be present today
Maybe you’ve tried to show love in the past, but it wasn’t well received. You didn’t get the answer you expected. Maybe you feel guilty because in the past you’ve had ideas for thoughtful ways to show affection for your spouse, but never followed through. Whatever it is, don’t hang on to the past. Decide how you want to proceed.
Being present involves thinking about your husband and what is going on in his world. If they have a huge surprise waiting for them after work, but they’ve had a stressful day, this will affect their reaction. If they don’t like surprises, they will like this one too! You know your spouse well, so use that information, along with their awareness and consideration, to inform how you show love.
5. Saying it still matters
We know words aren’t the biggest part of communication, but that doesn’t mean they don’t matter. They absolutely do. If you’re not convinced, quickly read how often the Bible mentions it power of words! In fact, writing is known as what? Word of God! Our words should clearly tell our husband that we love him. If you grew up in a home that never used the words “I love you,” you might feel uncomfortable. But this is a very easy place to grow. Your husband can’t read your mind, so it’s up to you to let him know the good, kind, or loving things you think about him.
6. It’s really the little things
While you might work on a grand romantic gesture or a special gift every now and then, nothing can replace the way you treat your spouse, day in and day out. The connection between you is a continuous building project. Just like your car needs its oil changed and its gas tank filled regularly, your marriage needs to be cared for and maintained daily. Say “Thank you” and show appreciation for the little things they do. Recognize their hard work. Let them know how much you love seeing them involved with the kids and how it speaks to your heart. Give a handwritten card or note. Bring them a coffee or bake their favorite cookies. Small things, done consistently, will build a strong foundation of connection and closeness in your marriage.
