6 Benefits of Learning How to Be More Self-Aware in a Relationship

Self-awareness helps anchor you in the present.

No relationship can move forward or grow when even one partner is holding on to the past. Whether it’s a past relationship or a recent trauma in your current relationship, staying “stuck” in unacknowledged, unacknowledged feelings cripples intimacy.

By learning how to be more self-aware in a relationship, you tune in the moment. That too mindfulnessin all its forms — mental, emotional, even physical — it allows you to experience and therefore respond what is, not what it was.

Self-awareness gives you objectivity about yourself.

At the heart of self-awareness is the ability to see yourself with curiosity, objectivity, and the absence of judgment. You “seek greater understanding” so you can make better choices, knowing that better choices lead to better experiences and better relationships. Only the enlightened are the ones who can look within themselves and say: “This was not a good decision… I want to do better in this area… I need to reach out for help… I like this quality about myself, but not ‘that’ quality.”

Objectivity allows you to receive calmer, thoughtful feedback about yourself and discern when and how to make adjustments (even apologizing).

Self-awareness can help you be more responsible.

When you’re interested in learning how to be more self-aware in a relationship, you inevitably take responsibility for your thoughts, feelings, words, and behaviors. Ultimately, you are acting with the purpose of “knowing yourself” better.

And that means you won’t always like what you learn.

But the beauty of self-awareness is how it feeds on itself. You wish to have greater self-awareness. And you answer that longing by stepping up to the plate with care and accountability for everything you contribute — consciously and unconsciously — to your relationship.

And wow, does that make your partner less guarded, less defensive, and more inclined to follow your lead!

It also puts the odds in your favor as a couple if you ever need to heal from something as painful as infidelity.

Self-awareness takes you away from autopilot.

We all do it — we react instead of respond, we choose shock instead of foresight, we draw from memorized ancient scripts.

By training your brain to focus on the moment through mindfulness or meditation practices, you learn to pause before acting.

Instead of buttoning up your spouse’s criticism with a line from an over-the-top playbook, for example, you stay where are you… right now?

You might hear something “between the lines” or sense a vulnerability that you wouldn’t otherwise.

The gift in your relationship is that you truly reflect on your perceptions, motivations, and choices. You allow breathing room for what it actually “is” to breathe into the moment and experience.

And that breaks the shackles of automation, freeing you both to make choices in the direction of your dreams.

Self-awareness makes you a better listener.

It makes so much sense that most of us forget it or don’t think about it at all.

There is no way to have a healthy relationship without being a good listener. And there’s no way you’ll become a better listener without learning how to be more self-aware in a relationship.Think of all the ways your partner can make you feel “unheard.” Distracted body language, interrupting, yelling at you, rolling your eyes, telling you how to feel or not to feel, minimizing, criticizing, defending, walking away….

What is the message here? I do not care. I already know what you’re going to say. I don’t have time for that. You’re blowing things out of proportion. I can’t believe we’re here again. I’m right, you’re wrong.

Now think about how your partner can make you feel heard. Eye contact, leaning in, mirroring what you say for confirmation, validating your feelings, asking open-ended questions, choosing words carefully, apologizing for any hurts….

The message now becomes something very different. I care. I am here. Help me understand. What should I know I was missing? How can I help? Thanks for enlightening me. Please forgive me.

Self-awareness helps defuse fights.

You know these relationship fights you keep having? The ones that never get resolved but keep getting turned on and played out?

Healthy relationships are not without battles. In fact, the full absence fighting can be a sign of danger for a relationship.

Part of being in a healthy relationship is learning how to communicate with your spouse without fighting. The emphasis here is learning to communicate not to avoid communication to avoid fighting.

By learning how to be more self-aware in a relationship, you learn how to rely on healthy communication skills in the heat of the moment. You have not set the autopilot.

You remember to be a good listener. You take responsibility for your emotions and how you recognize and express them. And you take responsibility for your part in whatever caused or perpetuated the argument.

You may still disagree and “remove it”. But you settle the argument and move on.