No. 1 – PRAYER
God has a plan for your marriage. He always did and that plan hasn’t changed. He wants you to have a wonderful wedding today, just like He did on your wedding day.
Don’t forget that it was God who created marriage in the first place. So go to Him in prayer. Cast all your frustrations before Him. It’s okay to share your anger. He knows it anyway. Go with the confidence that it has every answer. His answers are not always easy but they are always for our good.
Pray for your husband. Let your husband know that you are praying for your marriage as well as for him. Ask how you can pray for them. Ask God to help you see them through His eyes. Ask God to equip you to be the husband He wants you to be. Pray to team up again – or for the first time.
Prayer, especially praying together, is the number one thing that makes a difference in a marriage. It teaches us to come before God with everything we can’t control, lay it at His feet and give it all to the only one who can truly heal your marriage.
#2: SPEAK POSITIVELY ABOUT YOUR SPOUSE
Our words are powerful. They can be a force for good or evil. Think of it this way. How do you want your spouse to talk about you? Now, you can’t control them, but then again, you can control yourself.
I have counseled people who have made their spouses be some kind of monster by complaining about them to their friends. Instead of being a team working to build a marriage, they are adversaries tearing the marriage apart piece by piece. If we say negative things about our spouse, we start to believe them and eventually they crowd out all the good things.
Ask God to help you say only positive things about your husband. Commit to doing this for the next 30 days. Ask God to help you and He will.
This is what I believe will happen. You will begin to see your spouse in a different light. You will think of the positives first. The words you say to your spouse and about him to others will change.
#3 Speaking to your husband’s potential
My main love language is words of affirmation, so when Nancy encourages me and tells me I can do a good job, it makes a huge difference to me. When I am reassured that the woman who knows me far better than anyone else believes in me, it makes all the difference in the world.
When your marriage is struggling, it’s easy to notice the negatives about your spouse and ignore their potential. But you can really change what you notice by talking about the positives you see in them. When you look for the good – even if you have to look really hard – you will see more good.
Do you talk to your husband and the potential you see in him? Do you encourage them as they seek to be better husbands?
Most of us don’t see how powerful our words are for our spouse. Your encouragement and words of affirmation can pull them from the gutter to the top of the mountain. Talking to your spouse is something you can control and the benefits will be amazing.
#4 Taking care of yourself
You are not Superman or Wonder Woman. You are human and admitting that is the first step to giving yourself permission to take care of yourself.
Taking care of your mental, spiritual and physical health isn’t just okay, it’s necessary. It gives you the energy to fulfill the roles God has placed you in. Plus, these are things you can control. Here are some ideas.
1) Your mental health
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What are you watching, reading and listening to? Make a list of the things you watch and listen to. How do they make you feel? Are they positive or negative? Do they lift you up or let you down?
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What are you thinking or worrying about? Write down your concerns. Then circle each one you have no control over. Now you have your new prayer list. Lift them up to God every day and leave them in God’s hands. This will take some practice, especially if you’ve been worrying for years, but don’t give up.
2) Your mental health
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Part of good mental health includes what we just did with your worries. Now what else helps? Daily time with God. You may need to rearrange your schedule or wake up earlier. Start with 30 minutes a day. During that time, pray and read the Bible. There are so many great YouVersion designs in the Bible app and we have over 40 designs there.
3) Your physical health
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Number one is sleep. Sleep is essential. If you have any doubts about the importance of sleep, read or listen Why We Sleep, by Matthew Walker. It will change the way you see sleep and how vital it is to our lives.
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Healthy eating and exercise really make a difference. You will feel better and you will feel better about yourself.
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Consider a family gym membership. This can be a great investment in your physical health.
Just start somewhere because you need it and your body needs it. Taking care of yourself is so important. And it’s not selfish, taking care of yourself is actually one of the best things you can do for yourself and your family.
#5 Gratitude
How does gratitude make a difference? For me, it helps balance out the negatives in life and actually tips the scales towards the positive. It doesn’t change my circumstances, but it does change my perspective. This is what I choose to focus on. It changes the lens through which I see life. That’s where I put my energy.
Choosing to be grateful will change your perspective and no one can take that away. When I decided to lay all my complaints at God’s feet and be thankful every day, it changed my life. Oh, there are still times when I can focus on the negative, but I don’t get stuck there anymore. I’m just expressing gratitude. I thank him for all the amazing things in my life. I thank him for what I learned from the trials instead of focusing on the trial. I thank him for the car I have and it works really well instead of focusing on the new car my neighbor has, which has always been my dream car. I thank Him for my Savior, whose sacrificial love for me is still a mystery to me.
Gratitude. I can check this and so can you.
Are you ready to heal your marriage?
If you’re feeling defeated about your marriage, are considering divorce, or just feel like you can’t figure out how to turn things around in your marriage on your own – the 90 Day Plan to Save Your Marriage is for you.
