I have learned a lot about marriage in the last 10 years of counseling couples. Of course this list is not exhaustive, but represents a good summary. I wanted to share this list with you because I think it is extremely applicable no matter what your marriage situation is. It is short, insightful and practical.
No marriage is safe
No matter who you are, what position you hold, what type of family you come from, how smart you are, how much money you have, or how many good years of marriage you’ve had, if you’re not constantly working your marriage is prone to drifting in the direction of isolation. Marriage problems do not discriminate. All couples will experience marriage problems to the extent that they ignore or take for granted the premise of their marriage. Don’t let this principle scare you, but let it lead you to keep working on your relationship (1 Corinthians 10:12).
One person can change the direction of a marriage
It’s true that it takes 2 people to make a marriage work and only 1 person to destroy it, but never underestimate the power of one person who is completely sold out in loving, forgiving, and serving a wayward spouse (or even just a wife having a bad day). It’s not easy, and reconciliation doesn’t always happen quickly, but it’s really hard for a wayward husband to resist someone who is radically committed to loving him when he doesn’t deserve it. Love does its best work in an environment it doesn’t deserve (Romans 5:8).
Marriage is difficult but not complicated
I have seen all kinds of marriage problems over the years, but at the end of the day the basic problem is always the same. Sin leads to selfishness which leads to 2 people who are more committed to loving themselves than loving each other and God. I know this is oversimplified and there are absolutely some unique complexities to deal with physically and socially from people’s pasts (wounds, relationships, family of origin, etc…), but the core issue is always sin. Why is it important? When you are able to better define the problem, the solution becomes much clearer and simpler (in theory). Marriage is hard, but I think we complicate it sometimes.
Principles do not change people
Speaking of solutions, there are no principles of communication, conflict, or intimacy that will ultimately lead to lasting change for a couple. Do we teach these principles? Do they help? Are they needed? Yes to all 3 questions! But of people primary The problem is not ignorance of a principle so much as an infection of sin. People don’t need a principle as much as they need a man. Specifically, they need the person of Jesus. Every marriage needs Jesus more than anything else.
There is hope for every marriage
No matter what a couple has been through in the past, what they are going through now, or what their beliefs are about marriage, their marriage can be restored. Last week one of our consultants shared one incredible story of a couple in a seemingly hopeless situation who are now well on their way to reconciliation in response to one husband having an encounter with Jesus at a recent wedding event. God is in the business of disturbing dead things!!
