Not if you want to keep having sex with her
I would love to be a sexy little housewife.
I’m hanging around the kitchen in my cute apron, my bare ass peeking out the back.
Relaxing in bed with a loose sweater. Ready to feel and love.
I tease my husband via text all day so he can come home and piss me off when he’s done with work.
I’m not sure I could keep it up forever. But it would be nice while it lasted.
However, I didn’t get much chance to play this role.
My self-esteem got in the way. Turns out you have to feel pretty confident about your body to walk around without a bottom.
I am also chronically ill. Unfortunately, that took a lot of wind out of my sexy sails.
But also, you can’t always choose your role. Sometimes your spouse just puts you in one and you don’t have much of a say in it.
It’s almost never fun.
It’s usually something that makes your libido sink. And then you have to say goodbye to all your fantasies of being a carefree horny woman.
If you are a husband, it is bad for you too. Because you can’t enjoy all the perks of having a wife with sex if it never feels like.
There are things you can do to improve your chances, however. You can keep flirting with her. You can find time to connect with her emotionally. You can be present with her.
And you can avoid putting her in any of those incredibly unsexy roles.
The sexual guardian
This is an extremely common one. Probably because it starts out so innocent.
You have a relationship with a slight libido mismatch. She wants to fuck like all the time. And most of the time, she likes it.
So she gets used to putting the moves on her really loosely.
He slides his hand over her shirt when they’re cuddling.
He grabs her by the waist and presses his hard lump into her ass.
Or he just tells her, “Come on, let’s fuck.”
And when she’s open to it, she can get there. It can go from zero to horny-pretty much in a minute or two.
But when he isn’t, she has to stop him. And because he’s so fast and loose with his movements, he has to hit the brakes hard.
She has to get his hands off him. She has to pull her body away from him. She has to sigh and tell him she just wants to sleep.
And that’s how she becomes a sexual gatekeeper.
Now she is the one who always has to refuse his advances. He has to say no all the time. He needs to shut things down if there’s any chance he’ll take it too far.
He will start to feel uncomfortable with things that should be pleasant. Like a little playful banter, a creep, or even changing her pants in front of her beloved husband. He can use them as opportunities to make the moves on her, so he has to be careful.
And there’s no way in hell he’s going to burn when he’s on the defensive.
It’s easy to avoid, thankfully.
All you have to do is let her be playful, sweet and sexy.
Give her all the naked, full-body massages she wants. Let her wear almost anything around you. Enjoy some intimate date nights with her.
Just don’t use them as opportunities to make moves on her.
That way, he can tease you and be cute to you. He can be as flirtatious as he wants to be. He can work everything up to the point where he has the full drive to hump you.
If you’re always pushing for sex, you’ll almost never get it. He needs a chance to really want it – and escalate until he gets it.
But it can never give you the green light if it always has to flash red.
Nag
My husband is my soulmate. I can’t imagine my life without him.
But boy oh boy is he forgettable.
It’s better since he went up to Concerta, but drugs can only take you so far. And it’s not always far enough.
So I keep having to remind him to do things he’s supposed to do. And then reminded him a third time when it still wasn’t done.
Which means I have to nag him sometimes.
And I’m really not a big fan of it.
For one thing, it makes me feel bad. Like I’m overbearing and annoying.
Which doesn’t put me in a sexy frame of mind at all.
I try to be playful about it. I like to tease him, not scold him.
But it still doesn’t make me feel like taking my top off and riding him. Because I just can’t feel that attractive when I feel like it bothers me – and I can’t cheer myself up if I don’t feel attractive.
Well, take it from me. If you want more naked time with your wife, start by picking up your shit.
Stay on top of your responsibilities. If he asks you to do something, maybe write it down so he doesn’t have to ask you again. Make the boring things you keep putting off a priority, even if you don’t really feel like it.
It’s a good way to organize your life. It’s more rewarding when you get things done instead of putting them off. And she might just pick you up by her pants, so you’ve got nothing to lose.
Your mum
Okay look, there’s nothing unsexy about moms.
Actually, there is a bunch of moms I’d like to fuck out there and I’m sure you’ve noticed them too.
And if your wife feels like a hot MILFy mom, then you’ll probably relax more. Like, many more.
But not if she feels like she has to be your mom.
If he keeps chasing you why do you never clean up the messes you make.
If he ends up doing the jobs you agreed to but didn’t bother to do.
If she’s the one doing all the cooking and laundry because you just assumed she would.
Then no, he probably won’t want to fuck you very often.
If you were in a stepmom porn, that would be a decent setup for a really dirty scene. But it’s not going to get you anywhere in real life.
And yes, this is also about picking up your shit.
In fact, it’s basically the same thing as making her feel like she has to nag you. The only difference is that instead of coaxing you into doing the things you should be doing, she thinks she should do them herself.
Either way, it won’t make her want to end the day with a good hard pounding.
Unless it happens to have a major trade conflict, then you might have a shot. But even then, she’ll probably be too tired from all that extra housework to be down and dirty.
One wife
She is your wife and she wants to feel like your wife.
But it is also more than that.
She has random little hobbies that she likes to hang out with.
He has all sorts of interests and obsessions. There’s probably a very specific kind of TikTok drama he’s heavily invested in.
There are things she likes to enjoy alone or with a very close friend, because it’s just more fun to do it with someone who’s on the same wavelength.
And he needs the space to indulge in it all. She needs the freedom to be herself.
But he won’t understand if he always feels like your plus one.
If she feels cut off from you, the relationship will be very cold. It will have a very hard time turning on – it will take a long time to reconnect and warm up.
But if she feels disconnected from herself, then the relationship will feel clogged. This will also suppress her sexual desires.
She must be in touch with her solo self. She needs to do the things that make her feel energized, passionate and excited. She needs time to dream and fantasize and let her brain follow its strange little patterns wherever they go.
If she doesn’t have room to be more than a wife, she’ll never be the horny wife of your dreams – or the one you’d like to be.
Let her be her sexiest self
You can be a really attractive guy. You can be charming and kind and all that good stuff.
It still might not be enough to get your lady up and ready to go.
It helps, sure. The more attractive you are, the more he’ll want to strip you.
But she should also feel good about herself.
Because she won’t want to go down on all fours for you unless she feels wanted and cute. And she won’t want to fuck unless she feels like she can.
But he won’t feel that way if he’s always pushing your hand or nagging you about little things.
So be careful not to put her in the wrong role. Because if you do, you’ll only end up blocking yourself.
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If you enjoyed this article, you should totally check it out Sex and Depression (When You Just Can’t Beat the Blues) episode of my dirty and intimate sex podcast, Pillow Talk with Emma Austin!
