“God, you’re cute!”
“You are my man”.
“Thanks for everything.”
Girl, there are many things we can say that can really make our man’s hearts melt. I mean, what guy doesn’t want to hear how cute and amazing he is? Well, let me start by saying that there is no one size fits all when it comes to saying words that will affirm your man and make him slowly become putty in your hands, but there are three words that will not only encourage and support as man, husband and father, but it will also help him continue to be strong, allowing him to be the man God is calling him to be! What woman doesn’t want that! So, without further ado, let’s get into those three words, shall we?
“I need you!”
Yes, those are the words. We’re just going to go ahead and put it all forward. You don’t need to scroll down to the bottom of this article to look for them. Here is! The words your husband needs to hear now – “I need you!”
“So what’s the big deal with those words?” you might ask. They sound simple enough, right?
Well, for starters, these three little words let your beloved husband know that he is valuable and important, while at the same time commanding honor and respect. But, in all honesty, it goes deeper than that. It starts with an idea on your part. Take a moment to think about the beginning of your love story. Where it all began. Remember that “need” to see him? Feel his closeness or hear the sound of his voice?
Early on in our marriages (or even when we were dating), there was a sense of excitement that came with this new blossoming relationship. There was also a desperate need to be together. You needed him. And he needed you. Essentially, then, “needing each other” and wanting to do life together gave way to a proposal that was practically sealed with a kiss. Aww, newlywed love is so precious, isn’t it?
But, this tender and sweet love doesn’t have to end there! We have the opportunity to continue to grow in our love for one another, and that begins with putting our spouse’s needs above our own, striving to outdo one another in service (Romans 12:10). Some of your sweet guy’s basic needs include feeling respected and admired (Ephesians 5:22-23), returning home to a peaceful environment (Proverbs 19:13 and 21:9), feeling sexually desirable (Corinthians 7:1-7), and the sense of true companionship (Song of Solomon 8:1-2).
The bottom line here is that when we say, “I need you,” it opens the door to meet so many of his needs and encourages him to be the husband and man you need him to be. Saying, “I need you to know that I see everything you do for our family,” gives him the respect he desires. Saying, “I need you to come sit with me and tell me about your day,” allows him to feel that welcome peace when he comes home from a long day at work. And simply saying “I need you,” with a passionate “I want” glint in your eye, gives him the assurance that he’s still wanted.
Your husband needs to know what he needs
Men and women may have different needs, but those needs were meant to complement each other, not something we hold over their heads or use as a means to compete with them for love. When we show and tell our spouses that we need them, and they do the same in return, something truly beautiful emerges – we begin to experience God’s sacrificial love and divine plan for our marriages.
This means we can nurture and support our spouse’s innate need to care for and protect their loved ones because it is essentially part of their DNA, given to them by the Creator. Time and time again in The Word we see men leading and providing for their families. However, on the flip side, we also see how men have failed to deliver or lead well due to insecurities, being torn by fear or many times due to a lack of support from their wives. Moses, Isaiah and Abraham are just a few men who struggled in this field.
The truth of the matter is that your husband essentially needs to know that you need his leadership, provision, and protection. Certainly, we are capable of many things and have the ability to do many great things. I believe we even have an inner strength that men don’t naturally possess in that we have the ability to tap into a wealth of emotions to survive and thrive.
But while the world would like to convince us (and our husbands) that we don’t need them and that we can run on “girl power” alone, God made each of us for so much more! God designed a woman to be a helper because he saw that man was not good on his own (Genesis 2:18). Being made from Adam’s side (not from any other part of his body), we were designed to be united at his side, to be his faithful companion.
God made man in such a way that he longs to protect, provide and care for his closest and most precious companion. They made us long to be provided for and cared for. When this need is not met (for either side), a marriage can really suffer. So tell your man you need him. You need his leadership, his protection and his provision. Then support him in these endeavors, as this shows admiration, respect and trust, giving him that sense of companionship that he so deeply craves from you.
Our Delivery Issues
“I need you… to take out the trash.”
“I need you… to help with dinner.”
“I want you to stop yelling at the kids.”
“I need you to… lighten up.”
“I need you…”
You get the picture. It’s so easy to pick apart the things our man didn’t do or call out the things we find annoying or even annoying, resulting in us quickly throwing out emotional words that come across as whining or blaming. Ugh. Let’s just say that your man will probably become more defensive than the linebacker on his favorite football team.
We’re all going to mess up from time to time and say words we regret, or we might even get a few scars on our tongues from saying those lousy things we so badly want to say. So the next time you feel like saying “I need you” in a not-so-friendly way, pause and seek to understand the nature of your heart. Take a step back if you want to calm down and then try another approach because the delivery of our words can either prompt our man to react in love or cause them to come up empty.
One of my favorite movies is The Princess Bride. If you’re familiar with this somewhat cheesy 80s rom-com, then you’re well aware of the demands and orders that Princess Buttercup gives to farm boy Westley. From polishing her horse’s saddle to filling water jugs, she does so with a piercing gaze into his soul, adding a tender “please” to the end of her command, prompting his response to be, “As you wish. ”
Why does he respond this way? Because she feels she really needs him, and only him, to provide for her and take care of her. Could you imagine if we asked our spouses for things we needed in the same way? Imagine now, looking into your husband’s eyes and sweetly saying, “Honey, I need you to be my handsome man and build a fire to keep us all warm.” His answer might not be exactly “As you wish,” but I’m sure it will get his attention. Ha!
Sister, your tradition matters. What you say is, in fact, important, but even more important is the way you choose to say it.
A prayer for your marriage
Merciful God, I exalt our marriages with you. Please enable us to see and meet the needs of our spouses and use our words wisely. Give us the means to encourage our spouses and help us to complement each other. We love that you gave us the beautiful gift of marriage, so please help us take care of it. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.
Photo: ©GettyImages/Drazen Zigic
Related Podcast Resource: 5 Ways to COVER Your Marriage in Prayer
One of the most important things you can do for your marriage is to pray for your marriage. Learning communication skills, conflict resolution techniques and intimacy hacks are great. However, if you leave your marriage unprotected by failing to pray for your wife and your marriage, it will always be vulnerable to attack. Prayer is an essential guiding tool to get you and your spouse on the same page and create unity in your marriage. In this episode of Real relationship talk, Dana Che shares her COVER acronym, which teaches you how to pray specifically for your marriage. To listen, just click the play button below:
The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Salem Web Network and Salem Media Group.
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