A reader asked me, “Tony, how do I know when a girl wants me to touch her? I don’t want to be creepy or move too fast.”
I get it, you want to touch your date, but you don’t want him to blow the whistle on the rape.
When I was a teenager, a super hot girl lived next door. She had giant jugs, and every time I talked to her, I literally crapped my pants.
She was down to hang out and I went over to her house a few times a week. But I was too crazy and inexperienced to make a move and try to touch or kiss her.
Finally, overcome by my raging teenage libido, I said, “Is it okay if I kiss you?”
After a long pause, he replied. “NO I do not think”.
Ouch! WTF? I thought I had this in the bag. No, he rejected me.
Note, at that point I had already spent twenty or thirty hours with her, and we hadn’t even touched yet. So I ran home crying and masturbating furiously to get rid of it.
If I could go back in time…
When it comes to seducing a woman quickly, touch is your ultimate secret weapon. Touch is especially helpful if you don’t talk crap, which most of you do.
Builds confidence and comfort:
Besides feeling good, when someone you like touches you it’s liberating oxytocinotherwise known as the “love hormone” or the “cuddle hormone”.
It is associated with trust, empathy and building relationships. It is also released during orgasm. So if you want her to love you, give her the big O and that oxytocin will do some of the work for you.
Expresses confidence:
Personally, I find it strange if someone is afraid to touch. Are they insecure? Did their priest touch them?
Breaking the touch barrier earlier conveys trust. She says you’re comfortable in your own skin and not afraid to connect with other people physically.
Communicates emotion and meaning:
Sometimes a firm handshake, a light touch on the arm or a squeeze of the thigh says more than any words.
How far you can take the touch to the erogenous, sexual side depends on the context of the situation.
- If something is funny, you knock her on the knee (slightly)
- If something is awesome, give her a high-five
- If something is cute, pinch her cheek
So how do you know when a girl wants you to touch her? Let’s look at her conscious and unconscious signs that she wants you to be more physical.
- He maintains steady eye contact and smiles at you
Notice how no matter what you say, even if the subject is boring, she looks longingly into your eyes with a stupid smile on her face? Her intense attention is a sure sign that she wants you to escalate.
- He leans in during the conversation, reducing the physical distance
If he’s leaning towards you, then it’s probably okay to break the touch barrier. This is a sign of deep interest and comfort.
- It reflects your body language, suggesting rapport and comfort
The chameleon effect is the unconscious imitation of another person’s gestures, behaviors, and expressions during social interaction.
If you notice that the girl mirrors your body language, maybe the way you sit, hold your chin in your hand, cross your legs, or even how you laugh, this is a sign of attraction.
- He laughs at your silly jokes and seems engaged in the conversation
When you make a joke that shouldn’t be funny and she starts laughing, it’s her way of showing that she likes you. At one of those high points of laughter is a great time to make a move and touch her.
- She touches you first
Some women will be so excited by you, or just impatient, that they will start touching you first. If this is the case, you have a green light to go ahead and touch her back.
- She doesn’t move away when you touch her
I remember being in this club and approaching a hottie. I took her hand in mine and said “Wow, your hands are so soft, what kind of moisturizer are you using?” This completely turned her off and she pulled her hands away from mine.
I’ve never said that dumb line before. If you touch a girl and she’s into it, she won’t move her body further away from you in horror.
If you touch her and she doesn’t pull away, it’s a sign of compliance. It means she probably likes you.
- She looks relaxed, with an open body language
If she wants you to touch her, she won’t look tense, arms folded, legs crossed, hands in her pockets, or her body turned away from you.
Note, he may not be comfortable with you yet, but with some great conversations or shared experiences like a walk in a park or surviving a zombie apocalypse, that could change.
- She finds reasons to close the distance, like showing you something on her phone
She might come over to show you some cat pictures, her new earrings, or whatever. This is usually a sign that he is comfortable breaking the touch barrier with you.
- He compliments you on how you look or something you’ve done
Women do not compliment men lightly. So if she compliments you on your good looks, trendy fashion, or achievement, reward her with a tap on the shoulder or a one-arm hug.
- He doesn’t flinch or seem uncomfortable when you come into close, non-threatening proximity
If you show her something on your phone and suddenly approach her, notice if she flinches or not. If she’s very comfortable with you, she’ll stay put, even lean into you.
- He lingers when saying goodbye, as if hesitating to end the meeting
While I’m not a fan of waiting for the first kiss on the doorstep at goodbye, sometimes it’s unavoidable. Notice if she hesitates to leave when you say goodbye. This could be your only chance to get this makeup. Many women won’t even give you a second.
- Plays with her hair or adjusts her clothes, which can be signs of self-consciousness or caution
A woman who shifts awkwardly, adjusts her clothes, plays with her hair and licks her lips are all signs that she is attracted to you. Even if she is making herself up to look better, you should interpret it that way anyway.
- She points her legs towards you, which can be a subconscious sign of interest.
If it is inside you, here the body will be facing towards you and not away. Notice where her feet are pointing.
- Shows interest in your personal space, such as glancing at your lips or hands
He might ask to see your watch, your necklace, or ask about a tattoo. These are usually excuses for them to come closer and touch you.
- It responds positively to light and occasional touches from you, such as a guiding hand on the back
When you lightly touch her on the back, arm, or anywhere else, notice if she leans into you, smiles, or pretends to enjoy the touch. If she seems to enjoy it, touch her more often.
- He doesn’t shy away from a gentle touch during a moment of laughter or emotional connection
Try to touch her at high points, like when she’s laughing or enjoying your conversations. Notice if she flinches or remains calm.
- He looks at you expectantly after making a joke or a flirt
I call it “Deer in Headlights” or “Anime Eyes”. She might make a witty comment or come back at one of your teases and her eyes will widen a little and be a little mischievous. This is your time to make a move.
- Touches herself, such as her neck or collarbone, which can be a sign of subliminal flirting
At some point she will mark specific spots on her body. She might mention a freckle or how strong her thigh muscles are from dancing. If she points or touches herself in these places, it is usually an invitation to touch her.
- It seems to deliberately create opportunities to initiate respectful light touching, such as comparing hand sizes
If you’re walking together, he might bump into you. If he’s asking about the size of your hands, he might also be wondering about the size of your junk.
- She asks you to touch her
This is the most unlikely situation, but it happens. If she straight up asks you to touch her, kiss her, or spank her… do it. This is not a test! Some women have no time to waste.
If a girl likes you, she’ll give you green lights. When you fail to act on these green lights, he’ll know that you’re either unlikable, a coward, or gay.
If she wants you to touch her, the marks can be very subtle.
My best advice is to start with light strokes and then pull back. See how he answers.
- Does he lean on you or approach you?
- Does she look comfortable?
- Is he laughing and having fun or asking you a lot of personal questions?
These are all signs that a girl wants you to touch her.
- He maintains steady eye contact and smiles at you
- He leans in during the conversation, reducing the physical distance
- It reflects your body language, suggesting rapport and comfort
- He laughs at your silly jokes and seems engaged in the conversation
- She touches you first
- She doesn’t move away when you touch her
- She looks relaxed, with an open body language
- She finds reasons to close the distance, like showing you something on her phone
- He compliments you on how you look or something you’ve done
- He doesn’t flinch or seem uncomfortable when you come into close, non-threatening proximity
- He lingers when saying goodbye, as if hesitating to end the meeting
- Plays with her hair or adjusts her clothes, which can be signs of self-consciousness or caution
- She points her legs towards you, which can be a subconscious sign of interest
- Shows interest in your personal space, such as glancing at your lips or hands
- It responds positively to light and occasional touches from you, such as a guiding hand on the back
- He doesn’t shy away from a gentle touch during a moment of laughter or emotional connection
- He looks at you expectantly after making a joke or a flirt
- Touches herself, such as her neck or collarbone, which can be a sign of subliminal flirting
- It seems to intentionally create opportunities to initiate respectful light touching, such as comparing hand sizes
- She asks you to touch her
Let me know in the comments if you have any questions.
Tony Depp
