Hello friends,
Every wedding is different. Everyone has the uniqueness they bring to their wedding that makes it special. We should be thankful for that. How boring would life be if everyone and every wedding looked the same? Being different is a gift. However, there are certain things that every wedding should avoid.
As the years go by in a marriage, it’s easy to become passive in certain behaviors. While small slips may happen, we must be careful to keep these slips to a minimum for the health of our relationship. While no one is perfect, there are certain behaviors that everyone should avoid at all costs. Some behaviors only bring disaster to a marriage. Let’s look at some of them.
Constant criticism and belittling
Let no corrupting speech proceed out of your mouth, but only what is good for edification, according to the occasion, to give grace to those who hear. Ephesians 4:29
Criticism and belittling create an atmosphere of constant negativity. Let’s be honest, is there anyone on this planet who just wants to hear what they’re doing wrong all the time? Probably not! Another problem with constant criticism and belittling is that the person goes from hearing that they are doing something wrong to hearing that there is something wrong with them. Criticizing and belittling each other will never bring healthy change to a marriage. It will not only destroy the marriage, but it can also destroy the self-esteem of the person who is constantly exposed to it.
Being secretive and lying
Therefore be free from all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy and slander of every kind. 1 Peter 2:1
Secrets and lies are dangerous in a marriage. Now, we’re not talking about secrets or little lies about something nice like a birthday or a surprise. We discuss withholding information or intentionally providing false information to your spouse. The problem with secrets is that we usually keep them when we know we’re doing something we shouldn’t be doing. Secrets can also lead to outright lies. Secrets and lies can quickly break trust in a marriage, and a marriage without trust is not one that can last long.
Silent treatment
Just as we should avoid withholding information in our marriage, we should not stop talking to our spouse for long periods of time. So many people use it when they are angry with each other. While taking a break from an argument can be very beneficial, we must always come back and find closure. Going days or even weeks in a marriage without communication will never bring healing, it will only widen the division in your relationship. If you need a moment, share it, but don’t use the silent treatment.
For tips on how to better communicate with your spouse, see our blog, Constructive Ways to Communicate. In times of disagreement, good communication doesn’t have to stop. This blog shows that you need to communicate constructively during these difficult times.
Holding grudges
For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. Matthew 6:14-15
Hurts will happen in marriage. There are no perfect people, no one gets it right 100% of the time. This is why forgiveness is so very important between a husband and wife. When these hurts happen, we can’t hold a grudge and keep bringing up the past. Being a historian will never bring healing to a relationship. Being historical and holding grudges will never bring anything to a relationship but conflict and division. Grudges are like constant criticism, no one wants to be reminded of a time they screwed up. In marriage, some hurts are hard to deal with, if so, get whatever help is necessary to find forgiveness because holding a grudge is not the answer.
You trust others too much
Having a mentor, someone you can go to for wisdom and guidance is amazing. Everyone and every marriage needs mentors. However, there is a difference between anyone who will listen and a good mentor. There is also a difference between going to someone for guidance and going to someone to complain and vent. We should protect our marriages by being selective in who we trust, especially if that person is of the opposite sex. We should avoid going to someone just to complain about our marriage or share our spouse’s shortcomings. If there is a problem, work it out with your spouse or go to a mentor, counselor, or pastor together. Constantly trusting someone other than your spouse can lead to some serious issues that can destroy a marriage.
Giving ultimatums
An ultimatum it is a final and irreconcilable demand. When a person issues an ultimatum, they say, “I don’t care what you want or think, you’re going to do it my way or else.” Read this sentence again. Does this sound like an attitude that would create a healthy and happy marriage? Of course not! Marriage is about communication and compromise. It’s two people working together as a team and finding ways to do life together harmoniously. Ultimatums will never bring harmony to a marriage. It will only bring manipulation, control and frustration.
disrespect and branding
Conflict is inevitable and arguments will happen in marriage. Although these moments will happen you and your spouse can still maintain a level of composure. There should be boundaries in your marriage to help you maintain that composure during difficult times. Conflict or not, you should never be disrespectful to your spouse. Respect should be shown both in public and in private. One way to show respect is by choosing your words wisely. Name calling is detrimental to a relationship. It is a level of disrespect that will slowly and effectively destroy a marriage.
Infidelity
Let marriage be honored among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterers. Hebrews 13:4
When you say “I do,” you commit to being exclusively with one person for the rest of your life.
Unfortunately, in our world, the covenant of marriage is not taken seriously. Some go inside
marriage with no intention of remaining faithful, other couples make the decision together to be unfaithful openly. Regardless of the uniqueness of each marriage, sleeping with someone else is wrong and will bring nothing but damage to your marriage. God intended marriage to be between one man and one woman. Marriage itself is a ministry, but only when we honor our vows by remaining faithful to God and each other.
Putting children/others before your spouse
In the biblical order, our husband comes before everyone but God. However, there are many people who turn it off. No one should come before your husband and that includes children, friends and family. That doesn’t mean you don’t love those people well, it just means they aren’t your number one priority 100% of the time. You should have a spouse-centered marriage, not a child, friend, or family-centered marriage. For you parents out there, trust me when I say that your kids will benefit from putting your wedding in this order. This will also allow them to see what a healthy marriage looks like so they can have one in the future.
Using sex as a weapon
Do not deprive one another, except by agreement for a limited time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. but then come to your senses again, lest Satan tempt you because of your want of self-control. 1 Corinthians 7:5
In a marriage, sex is a gift. A good God gave it to us. Because sex is so important to a
marriage should never be used as a weapon. We should avoid withholding sex from our spouses to punish them or teach them a lesson. Many marriages have ended due to infidelity. In some
Of those marriages, infidelity happened because sex wasn’t happening in the relationship. Don’t do it
make this vital mistake in your relationship. If there is conflict, work through it by punishing you
the husband is wrong and will never bring positive results.
Never spend time together
Marriage can be so much fun. You can do life with your best friend. However, the specific bond
it cannot form if you and your spouse never spend time together. A busy schedule can be a threat to a
Marriage. If you don’t have any free time to spend time with your spouse, your marriage will suffer in the long run. You fell in love with your husband by spending time with him, and your marriage will only grow if you continue to spend time with him.
Always avoid abuse
Although some of the things listed are forms of abuse, we wanted to get a
moment and emphasize that any abuse is wrong. Not only should abuse be avoided, but it should not be tolerated in a marriage at all. There are so many different forms of abuse that it would be impossible to name them all. However, if you find yourself in a position where there is physical, verbal or emotional abuse, get help. Please do not stay in dangerous environment. This is not normal and you do not want it!
Marriage can be a beautiful thing, but it won’t be if the above is happening! Some may work to change things, but your marriage is worth it!
