Notes from today’s podcast:
Introduction:
One of the most common challenges clients often express is finding “good” men. However, the real question is not necessarily “Where is it?” but rather “How do we identify the ‘right’ man?” In this blog post, we’ll help you identify the qualities that make a man worthy of your time and affection.
In defense of men:
Before embarking on this journey, it is necessary to recognize that social and nurturing factors often send mixed and, at times, negative messages about masculinity. Men are not always raised to be inherently relationship oriented. Instead, they may develop traits associated with independence, a lone wolf mentality, competitiveness, and a tendency to hide their emotions, all under the shadow of toxic masculinity.
Time to separate the men from the boys:
To effectively navigate the dating world, it’s important to distinguish between boys and men. Here’s how to tell the difference between the two:
#1. Self vs. Relationship Orientation:
–Boy: Selfish, self-centered and often acts as a taker.
–Man: Focused on others, empathetic, understanding and giving.
#2. Compliments and Intentions:
–Boy: Compliments a woman to gain something from her, often driven by personal desires.
–Man: He appreciates a woman sincerely, comes out with kindness and authenticity, without worrying about her needs.
#3. Show Resources:
–Boy: He flaunts his resources and achievements, often showing off.
–Man: Understated and confident in his character, understanding that quality counts more than impressive appearances.
#4. Emotional Intelligence:
–Boy: Avoids emotions and sees them as “girls”, maintaining emotional walls.
–Man: In touch with his feelings, he values them, understands them and shares them openly and possesses a high emotional intelligence.
#5. Vulnerability:
–Boy: He struggles with his masculinity, often trying to appear tough and infallible.
–Man: Comfortable with vulnerability, open with his feelings and willing to show weakness.
#6. Commitment and reliability:
–Boy: He makes promises he can’t keep and tends to be flaky.
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–Man: He honors his word, follows through on his commitments and values reliability.
#7. Conflict resolution:
–Boy: He always strives to be right and avoids taking responsibility for his actions.
–Man: He recognizes mistakes, takes responsibility and works to modify his behavior.
#8. Relationship Dynamics:
–Boy: He competes with his partner, needing to feel superior.
–Man: He sees his partner as an equal and embraces a partnership that conquers challenges together.
#9. Jealousy and control:
–Boy: He exhibits jealousy, insecurity and a need for control, sometimes isolating his partner.
–Man: He has confidence and trust in his partner and encourages her to maintain her social relationships.
#10. Attitude towards intelligence and success:
-Boy: He is bullied by a smart, successful woman who needs to be the star.
-Man: He is aroused by her. looking for someone better to learn and grow with, enhancing synergy.
Before you judge:
While these distinctions may seem clear, it’s important to recognize that boys can sometimes be attractive too. They can be attractive, charming and charismatic, putting on a great act, even if only temporarily. Boys can be adept at flattery, making you feel beautiful and special.
The search for a man:
It is important to remember that real men do exist. The key lies in knowledge, patience and discipline. Armed with an understanding of what to look for, you can navigate the dating world with confidence and clarity.
Wrap up:
In your pursuit of a fulfilling relationship, aim higher than any man – aim for a man. Look for someone who is emotionally available, comfortable in their own skin (as opposed to false trust), honest, open, trusting and sees the relationship as a genuine partnership between equals. With the right knowledge and discernment, you’ll be well on your way to finding the right partner.
